Archive | December, 2012

Ranking The Christmas Songs

22 Dec

Who doesn’t like a good Christmas song?  Odds are, you don’t.  According to a statistic made up in my head, 85% of people hate every single Christmas song on the radio.  The other 15% are those people who voluntarily watch Christmas movies in April and May.  Jeez, I hate Christmas music and there was a time (when I was younger) where it was just amazing.  “MOM, SANTA IS COMING” and she’d have to calm me down with “Now, now, now Joey it’s not even Halloween yet” because Christmas songs start getting played after September.

But of course I had to do a power rankings of Christmas songs to show you how insufferable all of them are.

  1. Sleigh Ride
    This is the best of them all and even I enjoy the various performances of this.  It’s corny without being annoying and the instrumental version is just as good.  Also, midway through the song; I think a horse is drawn into it.  “Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up LET’S GO”.  This is the song that hyperactive new parents play with their young children and that’s fine with me.  Also, there’s the contemporary version made by Ella Fitzgerald which reminds all of the Medicare-eligible family members what CHRISTMAS USED TO BE LIKE.  You can snap to it as well.  Another positive, this could be remade into an even more awesome song called SLAY RIDE, where someone can kill people via horseback.  
  2. Jingle Bells
    It’s a classic and how many times in music class were you forced to sing this?  Fun fact from my head:  Over 60% of correspondents actually think the lyrics are “Jingle Bells, Batman smells”; seriously try to sing it right now without singing those lyrics.  IM POSS IBLE.  A real fun fact from real people, did you know that Jingle Bells was made to celebrate Thanksgiving?  Neither did I but apparently it’s true.
  3. Jingle Bell Rock
    This threatens to be #1 every year until you realize that every single young female pop-rock singer tries to sing this.  It gets ruined every year as they force some Disney pop star to sing this and play that as much on the radio.
  4. Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town
    The Jackson 5 version only.  Wait, are there any other versions to this song?  Oh, Brian Setzer sung this too?  Of course he did.
  5. The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting…)
    Your grandmother forces you to listen to this song every year.  Then your mother does and one day, you’ll be forcing little Jimmy to appreciate the true meaning of Christmas.
  6. Winter Wonderland
    It’s not quite Christmas-y enough to warrant mention but they only play this during the holidays which is a shame.  I want to hear Maroon 5 do this so the music video can involve a high speed chase with Adam Levine dressed as a department store Santa.
  7. Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree
    The only song that you can sing if you have nasal congestion and not sound any worse than the original.
  8. Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer
    Another song that does well because of the various small lyrical (LIKE A LIGHTBULB) add-ons to it that you sung when you were 5.  Also it shows that Santa doesn’t discriminate and in fact trusts this newly found reindeer to lead his sleigh.  Who did he take over for by the way?  Is Blitzen bitter?
  9. The Little Drummer Boy
    Or as the Republican Party calls it “GET A JOB POOR KID”
  10. Let It Snow!
    Sort of a Christmas song but no I don’t want snow ever.
  11. Feliz Navidad
    See how inclusive the radio is!  We allow ONE SPANISH SONG TO BE PLAYED FOR ONE MONTH A YEAR.  But only the chorus is in Spanish on American radio because of immigration I’m sure.
  12. White Christmas
    How is this beloved?  How is this the most selling single of all-time?  Maybe because it came out when FDR was President.  It sounds just like AARP.
  13. Up On The Rooftop
    Anything with onomatopoeias in it, win.
  14. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
  15. The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
    Well it is, but I just get a bizarre image of people having to hear this on a constant loop at Macy’s to otherwise enjoy this.
  16. Baby, It’s Cold Outside
    Sorry, I cannot hear this song without thinking of how this dude is forcing this woman to stay at his home.  Dean Martin just let her go man, there will be more times where you are alone.
  17. All I Want For Christmas Is You
    How much money does Mariah Carey make every time this song is played?  I actually didn’t know this was a song before Mariah.  That should be mentioned every time this song comes on the radio.
  18. That Song Where One Relevant Artist Tries To Make A Christmas Song
    Coldplay tried, Bieber tried, The Killers keep trying; just stop.  We’ve saturated the market with Xmas music.  Unless you are Michael Buble or Josh Groban, you know BORING, you can’t make a new Christmas song.
  19. Deck The Halls
    Would be higher if anyone knew the lyrics.
  20. It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas
    We are slowly reaching the worst, god I hate this song though.  Just because a DJ will always go “hehehe, it IS BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE CHRISTMAS”.  No, Christmas is a holiday at the very beginning of winter.  It never “looks like” Christmas.
  21. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
    Any recording artist over the age of 15 that sings this creeps me out.
  22. Silent Night
    Almost the most boring song of them all but not yet.  Silent Night just always involves me turning the channel.  Nothing more.
  23. Wonderful Christmastime
    Damn Paul McCartney, this song is awful.  You know he thinks he’s Burl Ives or Bing Crosby for successfully creating an annual holiday song but jeez; this is so awful.
  24. 12 Days of Christmas
    Listen to the Muppets version three times in a row to realize why I hate this song.
  25. Santa, Baby
    Great for those who like Christmas but wish there was more softcore porn involved.
  26. Silver Bells
    GOD THIS IS THE WORST.  It has the cadence of a funeral, you can run 10 miles before it reaches its end and the song has nothing to do with anything.  SILVER BELLS…..SILVER BELLS……IT’S CHRISTMAS TIMMMEEEE IN THE CITY.  Everyone that says Bing Crosby is Christmas needs to hear this song five times in a row before they realize it’s godawful.  This ruins his legacy, this is JFK’s Bay of Pigs in terms of music.  I’d rather listen to The Chipmunks Christmas than this.

Is Payphone By Maroon 5 The Worst Video Ever?

15 Dec




Consider this my break from reality and a celebration of finals week.  How else do I celebrate being done a mildly excruciating (well honestly, it was fairly easy thanks to being a senior) week of exams and Scantrons?  EASY.  I watch the Payphone video by Maroon 5 (featuring Wiz Khalifa), or should I say, Adam Levine.  The song itself is mildly catchy and leagues more tolerable than Moves Like Jagger was.  Still, the video?  Oh lord.  Let’s take a look.

:02 seconds

Picture 8

Adam Levine is introduced with nefarious amounts of dirt on him and a car in wreckage behind him.  He reaches for his cellphone but realizes that since the video is called Payphone; it’d be awful to use it.  Also it’s a flip-phone so whatever occupation he currently has, he is still living in 2004 which would be an apt way to describe Maroon 5 anyway.  Still uh the special effects are kind of neat though he does appear to be mildly healthy for someone who just emerged from a burning inferno.

:12 seconds

Picture 10


There’s the payphone!  So Levine appears to limp into this because he just blew up a car and twisted ankles happen after that.  Thankfully after his flip-phone doesn’t work, there happens to be a telephone booth underneath a highway overpass in an abandoned part of America.  It’s quite nice that Levine allowed introduced us to the video’s main character only 12 seconds in.  Don’t you hate videos that are too metaphorical to understand?

:28 seconds

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Now we get a screen flash to what appears to be Adam Levine’s job.  Oh, he’s a banker of some sort it appears?  Man life is hard for the upper-working class, all those papers, email drafts on his computer and boy; what a mundane life!  Hopefully something livens up this otherwise dull life.  Am I the only one hoping for Occupy Wall Street to march in and firebomb the place?  Or maybe Bane comes in and the Scarecrow sends Levine to exile?  Also note in this screenshot, the Rubik’s cube is in front of the computer.  Someone is valuing pleasure OVER work!  Total me-firster, right Gregg Easterbrook?

:41 seconds

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After more snapshots of just ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE (pencil-biting, phone-calling, eye-rubbing), we get to the song.  It takes 41 seconds to launch into the opening lines of the song.  Coincidentally the first lines “…I’m at a payphonnnne” occurs when Levine rests…in a PAYPHONE.  Is this Transformers 4?  

:49 seconds

Picture 13


Hot female banker walks in, also wearing glasses which means she is also intelligent like Adam Levine.  Wait, this is Transformers 4 isn’t it?

:59 seconds

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UH-OH WATCH OUT SECURITY GUARD, BANE IS COMING!  Now we are starting to piece together this amazing plot.  In case you are with me, we know this ends with Adam Levine calling someone on the payphone.  These are the events leading up to it.  After Levine tries hard not to check out his co-worker (which the video would’ve been awesome if he dropped his pencil or something); some criminals come in to cause mayhem because that’s what bad people do.  They suck and ruin music videos.  Though I must add, how great would this video be if nothing happened at work?  Alas, Adam Levine is a visionary.


Picture 15


After some shooting in which Levine hides on the side of his desk and numerous amounts of gunshots are launched, we finally see the rest of the band.  Seriously?  The band have been reduced to 1-second cameos as bank robbers?  They have attained the same amount of noteworthiness as the Secretary of Transportation or Fonzworth Bentley.  At this point can’t Adam Levine just go solo and have these guys be the backing band?  Isn’t it cruel enough to pretend that they are in a band?


Picture 16


Now that we got the band introductions out of the way, it’s still mayhem in the bank.  We are seeing Adam Levine, from his “co-star’s” perspective, who is pointing to his shoe.  This would be an ideal product placement for Clark’s but unfortunately it doesn’t happen.  Keep in mind from this perspective, there is a robber with some semi-automatic pistol standing DIRECTLY above her.  Notice, there’s no one around Adam Levine.  Is the 2005 Kansas City Chiefs offensive line protecting him?  Tom Brady doesn’t even have that amount of time in the pocket.  Either that or the robbers are kind of sexist.  Or Adam Levine is.  Now what is Adam Levine muttering?


Picture 17


She unbuckles her shoe….that’s Adam Levine’s grand plan…mysteriously the robber is gone as he must’ve felt threatened.


Picture 18


Luckily at that precise moment, Adam Levine notices what’s likely his bass guitarist struggling with Andrew Bynum’s contract and pickpockets his pistol.  I can’t handle this already.  But what is this lady going to do with one high heeled shoe?


Picture 19


TAKE THAT CRIMINALS.  Adam Levine has his pistol, whilst you have your semi-automatics mind you, and all of a sudden the bad guys look like Rick Perry at a Republican debate.  Someone out there currently has “Bank Robber #1 in the Payphone Music Video” as the top credential on their resume.  Notice, that every other person, sans Levine and the leading lady (who I don’t know and feel awful for referring to her as that), are captured at this point.  Did they seriously not think to look behind the desks?  Also, why did that guy ignore her?  Is she still shoeless?  Where is Ja Rule?


Picture 20


Okay in six seconds, the robbers miss Levine at point-blank range as he grabs the woman (who removed her shoes so he could run better, obviously minimalism has worked in her favor) as they highstep their way over gunshots.  This is happening.  This song is about a phone.


Picture 21


So in the next 15 seconds, the duo emerge from the bank only to be greeted by police who seem to mistakenly accuse two bankers (one who is shoeless) to be the criminals as Levine drops the gun.  For some odd reason, they continue to run away even though the cops appear to have only shot once and likely would just you know, go into the building to arrest the rest of Maroon 5 who moonlight as bank robbers.  Meanwhile people who are apparently near a hostage situation, seem to be remotely uninterested in the fact that a heist is taking place right next to them.  


Picture 22


Nevermind the cops are chasing them.  Apparently two policemen were called to the scene of a bank robbery in a major U.S. city.  THANKS A LOT OBAMA.


Picture 23


After successfully ditching the cops, who just give up completely, the duo…wait Wiz Khalifa is in this!?  Apparently he’s undisturbed by the police standoff/chase as he gives the keys to his Shelby Cobra to a valet.  So it takes 2:07 for Wiz Khalifa to make his first appearance, but don’t worry; he’ll be back!


Picture 24


After Khalifa walks into wherever he’s going, Levine and his ladyfriend are seen running around the corner of the same street.  They hide behind a car as Levine appears to just ditch her after last words.  I would love to know what the script said he was supposed to say.  I’m hoping it was something like “Listen….I love you, but…you are….you are in danger…because I’m trouble”.  Remember he’s not a criminal by the way.  Why is he still on the run?  Also, they are on the same street as Wiz Khalifa but if you notice, there’s a huge parking lot behind them in the sun while they are in the overcast on a crowded street.  WHAT IS GOING ON?


Picture 25


So like any innocent man, Adam Levine beats up on an unsuspecting valet and without leaving a tip, carjacks Wiz Khalifa’s car as his ladyfriend looks on helplessly, alone and shoeless.  So Adam Levine is clearly the worst person in the world.  


Picture 26


As soon as Levine peels out of the parking spot, a policeman is immediately on his tail.  Did they know he would steal a car?  Better yet, Adam Levine has now ditched the girl he saved to fend for herself, stolen a car, made an illegal turn, blown through a couple of redlights and is likely in excess of the speed limit.  The cop is also right behind him and Adam Levine is apparently Jeff Gordon.


Picture 27


Okay what the hell is going on?  Did Michael Bay direct this?  Did Colin Farrell turn down this role?  In 26 seconds, Levine goes from the bridge leaving town, to being chased by at least seven policemen and four helicopters.  So yes, there are more policemen on scene chasing down a banker than there were for the bank robbery.  Meanwhile, we have no idea what’s going on.  I can’t wait for this to end.  


Picture 28


Wiz Khalifa, in what is probably 10 minutes in real-life time, has become homeless as he begins his verse.  Allen Iverson is apparently better at his finances than Payphone version of Wiz Khalifa.  


Picture 29


For barely a fraction of a second, Adam Levine looks into the distance as Wiz Khalifa begins his rap.  This is hilarious for one reason.  It coincides with Khalifa beginning to rap, which means Levine is probably just aware of Khalifa’s existence as a hobo that raps.  Watch the video exclusively for this part.


Picture 30


As Levine zooms down a highway with police and helicopters in hot pursuit, we see that there are now police coming directly at him as well.  Since you know, he’s evading the police and that’s what they tend to do in this situation.  The cops try to barricade Levine in but forgot that he’s the greatest driver ever and eludes them as now Levine has apparently killed a few policemen.  


Picture 31


Okay….:rubs face:….Levine casually drives into the distance as three cop cars have wrecked behind him.  There’s about 15 unaccounted for police cars and four helicopters that apparently vaporized upon reading the script of this music video.  Thankfully it’s almost over.


Picture 32


Levine does what every person would do in this situation and calmly park it in an abandoned part of town but WAIT, THAT’S WIZ KHALIFA?  So, let me get this straight.  Either Wiz Khalifa can teleport, or Adam Levine went on a high-speed chase to only bring him directly near the scene of the crime which is under an overpass with a lonely telephone booth.  Khalifa’s mind has to probably be blown by the chain of events that just occurred.  What a stroke of good luck!  This brings us to another good question, why the hell is there a telephone booth there?  The only people that are under overpasses that would call someone would be someone who was mugged and all they had left was a quarter.  Hell, that’s about the only excusable time anyone has to use a payphone.


Picture 33


I hate you.

That’s it…the video just ends with Levine walking to a phone booth, without getting beaten up by Wiz Khalifa, and trying to call what we presume is the woman he ditched, who was likely arrested.  Meanwhile, Levine has stolen a car, blown a red light, recklessly drove, likely killed or severely wounded several police officers and likely caused some type of infrastructural damage to a highway.  Meanwhile, wait that’s it because nothing else happens.

I can’t think of anything worse than that.  In fact, I know music videos are stupid, vapid and never make sense; but Jesus….who comes up with such an idea?  I don’t even hate the song.  I’d rather watched Trapped In The Closet Parts 81-801 than this again.  

Next Week we’ll look at Finally Found You by Enrique Iglesias to determine if anything could be worse than this.


What If Jesus Came Back? And Other Questions!

10 Dec

A new feature to this blog is of course a mailbag!  Yes, almost every website has one but this one is different!  Because well, I’m writing the answers and in our initial installments; I’m writing the questions as well.  I’ll just use false names to confuse you.  However if you want to ask a question, this would be the place to do it.

Alright, so say Jesus Christ came back to Earth to see what’s up.  Maybe it’s not quite yet the Rapture but say, a holy equivalent to a checkup.  What would be the initial reaction?  Would it be skepticism?  Joy?  ANGER?  (Mike, Delaware)

Well the answer appears to be rather complex.  First off, you would have the initial skeptics that would be like “heh, I’ve seen this before; prove it!” while throwing water at him in the hopes he’d turn it into wine.  Then there would be the true believers who would just tweet idiotic hashtags such as #Jesus and horrible parody accounts would be created.  Also, Tim Tebow would finally get a chance to start.

But the initial moments would be fascinating.  Of course there’s the possibility that Jesus actually looks dare I say, MIDDLE EASTERN.  So he’d have a rough time going through TSA, probably would appear on Do Not Fly Lists, and be subjected to typical American ignorance regarding our lack of support for that region.  Some guys at Fox News would likely have awful BREAKING NEWS newsbreaks with Megyn Kelly stating “Pakistani Man Claims To Be Jesus” and Donald Trump would be demanding birth certificates while Karl Rove would be telling you this was impossible because the numbers don’t match up.

Jesus would have a very rough go of it at first, but once he broke the 100m record while walking on water and turning down several book deals and BRAVO reality shows, he’d start converting the believers into believers again.

Of course, then we’d likely have a cultural civil war.  If Jesus turned out to be ya know, okay for helping the poor and not all “GAYZ = HEATHENS”; then there would be mass pandemonium amongst the religious and non-religious folks.  There would be beliefs that would make non-believers down with him and believers a little weary.  Mike Huckabee would probably be able to score the first interview with him in which Jesus is actually a good dude.

But what if Jesus was exactly as right-wingers embodied him?  Or the opposite even?  There’d be hopes he’d run for Congress or Senate, a chance for James Inhofe to announce the Constitution has been amended for a Jesus presidential bid and people flooding his Facebook with prayer requests.  It would just be massively horrible if Jesus came back just to visit.  That’s why I imagine, of course I’m an atheist so take it for what it’s worth, that if Jesus were to come back it would be for the End of Days.

What if we found alien life, like humanoids walking and having their own language, on a planet relatively close to us?  Say the Mars Curiosity Rover finds people who were like Digletts from Pokemon on the Red Planet?  What would be the consequences?  (Macauley. Pennsylvania)

Was Jesus there?

But in all seriousness, this would probably result in another war.  Just think, there’s an ENTIRE PLANET of people doing non-Earth things.  There would be colonization attempts which would lead to wars, there would probably be new super-viruses created as our immune systems aren’t equipped for Diglett Flu and people like Papa John would try to outsource work to them to get around Obamacare.  “Ya see!!!  OBAMA never mentions something about MARS!”

It would be awful and what if the Martians wanted to come to Earth?  We’d have Tom Tancredo and Newt Gingrich advocating to build a fence around Earth so they don’t take our jobs, we’d probably try to convert them into every religion at once, and we’d be resoundingly disappointing if they were inferior to us.  Face it, if we are going to discover real aliens, we want them to be really smart.  If they were idiot mouth-breathers who looked like Rob Gronkowski trying to read Latin, we’d be so pissed.

I like Space Jam.  So say that existed in real life and we had sports reporters talking about Michael Jordan’s performance.  Would it be the most celebrated sporting achievement of all-time?  (Frank, Alabama)

Easily.  He not only produced the most dramatic second-half comeback in human/cartoon history, he also did it single-handedly with the fate of the Looney Tunes planet on his shoulders.  Skip Bayless would be unimpressed of course because evil MONSTAR Patrick Ewing never won an NBA Finals championship either but outside of him, there’d be few dissenters.  Gregg Easterbook would openly complain that we weren’t paying enough attention to the play of Wayne Knight.

Also Bill Murray would be this generation’s Moonlight Graham.  He saved the world by playing in the final 10 seconds.  Roger Goodell would ban the Monstars from competing in the NFL and plenty of concussion tests would’ve been given to the cute little mouse who got destroyed by MONSTAR Larry Johnson.

Jordan’s empire would be huger because then he could add the word “humanitarian” to his resume.

Also the game would serve as the peak in Jordan’s managerial career, he’d eventually trade Bugs Bunny to the Memphis Grizzlies for Darko Milicic.

What part of the Harry Potter World would suck the most to discover it was real?  My friends & I were have a discussion and we all kind of said Death Eaters, dementors, giants & people appariting in your room would all equally suck.  Thoughts? (Kevin, Louisiana)

Well Quidditch supporters would be up there too.  Ever hear people debate soccer?  Heck, I even kind of like soccer and I hate hearing my fellow Americans cheer for simple things such as a one-touch pass and decry ever referee as anti-Americans.  Quidditch also seems like a total upperclass sport because who the hell cares how good you are if you don’t have the best broom?  The league would be full of the Romney sons.

But the answer is clearly dementors.  Death Eaters and Voldemorts would be awful because ya know, they are evil but they are still human.  If you are magic, you can defeat a Death Eater and really outside of Bellatrix Lestrange, Voldemort & Severus Snape (well whatever he was); the Death Eaters were pretty below-average wizards & witches.  Really, the rest of them don’t offer any fear in me whatsoever.  The only thing scary about Death Eaters is the fact that you are going to go home and a Dark Mark will be over your house which would be the scariest thing ever.

Apparition is underrated in its awfulness.  You could never call in sick, though the fact is, you can still sort of set up charms to block those people out.  There is probably some type of magic that would limit that.

Giants would be forced into hard labor for low wages.  They live in mountains but could you see them unionizing and working in unison?  Nope.  You just would have to worry about one strolling through your town and we have air raids to stop them.  Not worried.

Dementors are clearly the worst.  There’s no question about it.  Can they die?  NO.  Your line of defense against a dementor is to find some REALLY happy moment and pray that it works.  What the hell could I use?  Sorry running fast times on the track could not outweigh hearing everything bad that’s ever happened to me ever.  Doesn’t that suck though?  You can’t win.  The dementors get to throw a million awful memories at you and you have to hope one happy memory can negate that.  But you don’t kill them!  They just retreat because they got scared of a white, glowing skunk or eel.

Plus every time it’s rainy, foggy or unseasonably cold you have to worry about them being in town.  It’s not like you can lock the door either, can you?  Don’t they just appear?  Plus I’d rather get Avada Kedava’d in a millisecond then being kissed by a Dementor.  Screw that.  I’d rather get the Diglett Flu.


Santa Claus: Anti-Union & Anti-You?

9 Dec

North Pole – December 7th, 2012

Controversy rocked the North Pole today as Santa Claus, age 52, has sold all assets regarding North Pole, Inc. to venture capitalist firm, Bain Capital.

Claus has recently come under fire after cutting the elf hourly wage to 3 cookies/per hour and recently wrote an Op-Ed for the Wall Street Journal concerning the elves attempts to unionize.

These elves, while doing great work, need to dial down their efforts to unionize or Christmas as we know it will cease to exist.  I can’t keep doing this while paying these workers ridiculous wages.  Thanks to Obamacare, I can no longer work to the best of my abilities and may have to sell the North Pole.

The Op-Ed drew fire from liberal activists and just represents another controversial statement from the man who TIME Magazine once named as “The Man Of The Year”.

In November of 2011, Claus made waves by publicly endorsing Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain citing his claim that President Obama was “destroying coal”.  In his endorsement speech, he also made the claim that President Obama did not appreciate the true meaning of Christmas which he described as “a day in which Obama believes that you should be nice to others, which is actually a testament to socialism.”

Claus’s second wife, actress Patricia Heaton, defended her husband of three years by stating that he’s simply a man that loves his jobs and his employees equally.  He just wants to earn his hard-earned money and elves should be proud that they get hospitality, food, and one day off every year.

Upon Claus’s Op-Ed, the DOW Jones went down 1.2% citing concerns over if gifts would be given this year.

But the sale of the North Pole to Bain Capital is creating fear amongst the word’s children and families who rely upon Claus to deliver happiness.

Buddy the Elf, Ambassador to the North Pole under President Obama, publicly mourned the sale of the place he once called home, in a statement released to the AP:

Christmas cheer should be loud enough for all to hear.  Unfortunately, the end must be near.

Buddy, who was the subject of a 2003 film starring Will Ferrell, has long-been the face of Christmas and his universal appeal has even had supporters calling for a potential Congressional run in the 2014 mid-term elections.  His lament over the sale to Bain Capital, led by Mitt Romney, has induced more panic as opposed to calmness.

Labor activists have determined that an “Occupy North Pole” rally will be held on Christmas Eve to protest Santa Claus and in a simple posting on their website, the ACLU stated that:

The fact that elves continue to work for next to nothing is a tragedy.

Even adding more fuel to the fire is that Santa Claus’s assets have been listed with a net worth of $800 trillion thanks to endorsement deals from Coca-Cola, various films, Macy’s, M&M’s and a host of department stores across the globe.  His assets include a sleigh made by Ford, a reindeer village in Kutztown, Pennsylvania and a staff of 1,000 elves who work year-round.

Claus has always been adamant in his support for his workers by citing that he does not discriminate amongst height, weight, gender or nationality and touts that Rudolph, a reindeer who was once owned by Michael Vick, leads his sleigh ever year; a move which earned rave reviews from animal rights activists.

Hello world!

9 Dec

Welcome to! This is your very first post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it, or start a new post. If you like, use this post to tell readers why you started this blog and what you plan to do with it.

Happy blogging!