I know that Justin Timberlake’s return to music is supposed to be some pseudo-religious spirit that is the equivalent of the Rapture. “HE RETURNS” probably trended on Twitter at one point this month. In fact, JT even brought out Jay-Z to feature in his “comeback” single. Can we really call it a comeback though? He chose to take a break from the music industry to star in awful rom coms (more on that later) and once those tanked, he came crawling back to the music industry.
Sure he has been the best part of SNL in quite some time and he’s probably a funny guy but why is there this illusion that JT is this trendy and cooler version of Neil Patrick Harris? Who also isn’t as funny as people think he is but that’s another topic.
Anyway Justin Timberlake sucks.
Reason #1 that JT is not this mythical current-age version of Elvis Presley is how somehow he avoided blame in the Janet Jackson “wardrobe malfunction” controversy. The dude sang “Better have you naked by the end of this song” and then proceeds to rip a part of Janet Jackson’s top off then looks dumbfounded that it happened. Then everyone crapped on Janet and JT escaped blame because of…? Can anyone think of one solid reason that JT got away without much criticism in this? Janet Jackson, who is lame by the way and not cool anymore, essentially lost her career following the incident while Timberlake only rose higher. Why the hell did that happen? Everyone glosses over the fact that JT exposed Janet Jackson’s mammary piercing.
Justin Timberlake took a break from music to star in awful romantic comedies with Jessica Alba/Biel/Aniston/Simpson and Mila Kunis. I don’t know which Jessica starred in the movies but I’m sure at least half of them did. Justin Timberlake basically inherited the role that Dane Cook and Hugh Grant. Everyone harps on how multitalented Justin Timberlake is but he’s not. The dude can’t act. I think Elvis looks like Humphrey Bogart compared to Justin Timberlake. SNL is awesome with him but it’s not really great acting. Charles Barkley can’t even read his lines on SNL but he brings the laughs as did Bruno Mars who is a singing hobbit.
Seriously do any of you know any movies Justin Timberlake starred in? If you do, then you probably thought his Grammy performance was a Grammy moment.
Alright Britney Spears was and is still likely a trainwreck. In fact, she was in such bad shape that it wasn’t even funny making fun of her because we were literally watching someone self destruct before our eyes. Before the big downfall that happened in what, 2005, Justin Timberlake released “Cry Me A River”. Okay, now getting cheated on probably sucks and breakups are great reasons to write songs.
Still, essentially writing a song about Britney cheating on you and then daring to cast a clone of her in the music video as you incessantly stalk her is ample reason for me to hate you. I don’t even LIKE Britney Spears and I felt a twinge of empathy before her because JT aired out all the dirty laundry. Everyone hates Taylor Swift, kinda rightfully so, for basically writing songs about people who look at her the wrong way. How come Justin’s defining hit (though Sexyback is cool) gets away with dissing someone who was emotionally unstable? Because Dick in a Box was funny?