Archive | April, 2013

The Most Annoying Things People Do

30 Apr

The title says it all, since I’m running out of time; I’ll just list things add commentary when needed.

  2. Wear Tap Out t-shirts
  3. Listen to Macklemore and tell you that you are missing out
  4. Hashtag on Facebook
  5. Bros who ironically like Carly Rae Jepsen (BUT NOT GAY!)
  6. Shop at GNC
  7. Name Facebook photo albums after awful song lyrics (I DON’T CARE I LOVE IT)
  8. In a planned embarrassing picture, a comment of “ohmygod, this sums US UP TOTALLY”
  9. Use 1990s ebonics on Twitter (SINCE I’M WHITE ITS FUNNY…right GURLLL?)
  10. Call themselves “90s kids”
  11. Call younger friends “littles” and vice versa
  12. Fire drills (someone has to plan them)
  13. Sniffle every five seconds
  14. The word “adorbs” or scratch that, ANY unnecessary abbreviation
  15. Anything involving Ryan Gosling
  16. Any BuzzFeed article
  17. White kids who use the n word
  18. Chinstraps
  19. Outdoor dinners at Kutztown
  20. Insist they dislike President Obama BUT NOT BECAUSE HE’S BLACK
  21. Not wash dishes
  22. Usage of “U” “R U” or “thx” in text messages when they are in between age 16 to 30
  23. “DON’T JUDGE ME”
  24. Order food at bars
  25. Not eat at White Castle
  26. Quote Ron Paul blindly while calling everyone who disagrees SHEEP
  27. All conspiracy theories involving population control
  28. The person who takes a picture and goes “whoever took this picture is AMAZING”

To be continued


Man, College Is Almost Over

11 Apr

Yes this blog is called Satirical Thoughts but ever now and then, it’s good to be serious.  This whole week has got me thinking (which is something I have forgotten to do) about the past few years of my life and the next eight months.  I am graduating in December, taking advantage of a redshirt to compete in cross country and extend my life as a college student for a few more months.  Its not quite borrowed time but merely a quick extension of my college life.

But talking with some of my friends and teammates today and earlier in the week, made me realize what’s going on.

College is almost over.

I’m someone that enjoys living in the past and present because well, the future tends to suck.  I mean, we are going to DIE in the future and its a guarantee.  That is awful, right?  There’s also the whole aging, moving on and losing friends thing as well that tends to be a downer.  Sure there are millions of good things, especially when you are still young (22 and under) but you are getting to the point where thoughts start sinking in.

“I’m likely going to have a child by the end of this decade”
‘I’m going to probably not talk to more than 75% of the people I do today within the next few years”
“I’m stuck watching Ray Lewis be an analyst on ESPN”

All are enough to make you really think of life by itself.  But altogether?  Jeez.  That’s a lot of soul searching.

But instead of the future, I want to look on the past for example.  Since graduation for my fellow classmates is in five weeks, I figured this would be a better time to do it than at that time as emotions would get the best of me.  Not necessarily tears, but it would be something I put off and just end up not doing.

Its funny how this college thing works.  Its hyped up from the moment you can remember remembering and you work your way (for most of us) through the same school system with the same friends and then suddenly, you are in a different state with nary a friend.  You are alone.  You aren’t home and with that comes great responsibility and opportunity to really screw up.  If you are cautious like me, you made it through with some regrets but overall happiness.

Yet the moment you stepped onto campus, it all sinks in.  You are here.  You aren’t thinking about graduating because its such a long ways away and plus, you are more worried about your first professor.  You are more worried about your first championship race or dreading your first collegiate injury.  You have goals that work on a seasonal basis, not a long-term one.

Then you progress, suddenly those new scary things are a matter of routine.  You now actually have a routine.  You set your alarm for a certain time (8:16am for me for some reason, not 8:15am), you eat certain things on certain days and you become lifelong friends with people you met a month ago.  You finally have people you hate, people you like and people you want to get to know.  Since you live here, the hot girl in class becomes someone you can’t wait to see outside of class.

Suddenly you do things and enjoy the moment.  You listen to music, you take pleasure in doing well in class and in school, and you take pleasure in whatever mystery the weekend brings.  In fact, before too long, you kind of figure out how the whole college thing works and even though you are only a semester or so in, you feel like you have learned everything.  In fact, you might even get cocky and dare I say, call college your “home”.

Then May comes and those people….those friends now….that helped you so much are now gone.  Those seniors, who seemed equally mature as they did fun are nothing but a memory.  You find excitement in showing the future freshmen the ropes and telling them some stories about the year that was beforehand.  You learn that some are eager to learn and get a sixth sense in which ones just won’t make it no matter what you do.  But, hey you are still young enough to enjoy what’s going on and hell, graduation is still three+ years away.

Those upperclassmen go from friends to even closer.  You already have a year of running with them or hanging out so hey, let’s build on it.  You chat on Facebook when you are away for summer and occasionally reconnect with the older people who have departed except for the rare weekend where they visit town one more time.  You notice that its great to see them again but they have no idea about the weirdness of these new students who are five years younger than them.  They notice that they have their own lives now and while college is fun every now and then, it represents a time that has passed.

Yet you are still here.  But then those friends you have made and grown close to, the ones who bought you your first drink at the age of 21 and the ones who taught you everything you knew about Kutztown aren’t here.  Sure, they might come now and then but you are chasing something that is gone.  Your friendship is still intact but its simply evolving, just waiting for you to take the final leap into adulthood and leave college behind.

Now though, you are the senior.  You suddenly see things through different eyes.  Your classmates, the ones you came in with as shy freshmen, are now in charge of the team.  You sometimes chuckle seeing them lead stretches or make speeches when the team inevitably screws up (damn, why does every freshmen class seem more and more immature?  Was I really that bad?) because you remember them as the ones being lectured.  You start to admire the leaps and bounds many take and also laugh at how some guys never really quite got it even if they made it all four years.

Those guys from three years ago?  Gone and even though you miss them still, you realize that they have their own life and you know, you only knew them for one year.  Sure all those miles of running developed a bond that can never be broken but they moved on no matter how hard you try to ignore it.  Sure, the rare reunion is awesome and a true throwback to old times.  Wait old times?  Did I just use that word?

Then you think about that time where college was a new experience.  Suddenly those old songs that you occasionally hear on the radio take you back in time.  Every time you hear Down by Jay Sean or Your Love Is My Drug by Ke$ha you laugh at a funny weekend memory and almost grow a sense of sadness.  Here it is, a memory that I only have and those times are over.

Now the freshmen represent a new era in your team’s history.  Its not about you anymore, its about making sure those freshmen do what you did and do the right things.  You hope that a few of them keep some traditions and maybe even bring in a new one.  They have so much ahead of them and you are nothing but a buffer between their past and their bright futures.

On your side though, you are looking forward to progression but fearing it.  You don’t apply for a job in the future, you apply for a job for now.  Your foot is out of the door and you are hoping it doesn’t slam shut.  Its not too late to change but its far too late to give up.  You are waiting to enter the deep end of the pool but still hanging on the edge, gingerly stepping forward.

You realize those days of innocence and fear are gone.  You aren’t a teenager anymore, but one who might have heavier responsibility.  We aren’t talking about screwing up and getting yelled at but screwing up and being screwed.  Suddenly those nights out represent fear, not promise.

But those races mean so much more now.  Man, is this my last year doing Paul Short?  Is this my last year of preseason camp?  I can’t believe it.

We are not on the way of doing great things.  We are all progressing as society does.  We are now aware of an outside world, one filled with people who are doing just…things.  Which is the greatest thing ever.  Your own personal world isn’t bigger than what’s going on elsewhere.  We are all destined to get a job in which we strive for a simple “good job” and maybe a promotion or raise.  We are settling in for a bumpy ride that will take us to a hopefully cushy retirement.  We have weddings to go to, Happy Hours to attend, children to raise and soccer games to go to.

Then we see ourselves growing up all over again, but now we aren’t doing it.  We see it in our children or in our friends children and realize how everything is ahead of them.

The cycle never ends.  Yet its not a bad or sad thing, its just a thing.  Its a reality of life.  But those old songs are still there.  Maybe Facebook won’t but those memories still will be and hopefully a picture or two survives.  Emails will be exchanged and telephone class will continue to occur.  Maybe you will go on and see how the old coach is doing over there and get in touch to ask how they liked that field hockey tempo.  Hell, maybe you will reconnect with a few of those old teammates and go out one more night to relieve what it was like.  Maybe you will have road trips to do and money to be lost.

Then, for that brief moment, everything is back the way it was.  Only this time its more fleeting than forever.

That One Hot Day In Kutztown

8 Apr

Jeez its hot.  I almost forgot that summer actually happens and warm weather is a thing that actually exists in things that are not my memory.  This year at Kutztown has been a bit rough if you are a fan of not being freezing.  For a bit I thought President Cevallos actually cut nice days from the budget.  But alas, its here.  The day where you can break out your “SUNS OUT, GUNZ OUT” shirt and dress like every person that has ever attended a Macklemore concert.

That first really warm day is a real slap in the face.  You wake up in the morning and go “WHOA, THIS IS NICE” and you notice half of the school has already taken pictures of the Clock Tower on Instagram.  Kutztown still doesn’t put the fountains on which is a travesty that can only be blamed on the sequester but you make do.  Then all of a sudden you leave your first class and its legitimately hot.  Like your back gets that sweat because you are carrying a backpack.

But when its hot people lose it.  They come out of Deatrick, Dixon, South Dining Hall like Harry Potter did when he was first allowed out of the cupboard.  “What is this great orb in the sky that bringeth the heat?  I must celebrate this”…now I see why the Aztecs, Greeks and all celebrated the sun.  Imagine what it was like to not have a ten-day forecast and all of a sudden its snowing and then BOOM, you are sweating.  That had to be mindblowing before they were conquered.  Totally can buy into that.

Still, the 200 foot piece of grass that Kutztown gives us called the DMZ becomes Malibu.  Girls just wear push-up bras as they suntan (while some fellas are likely furiously staring at them from a third floor window….like we did our freshman year) and the bros take a moment to not go to GNC and toss some ball to show off their lack of athletic prowess.  “YAY BRAH, WIFFLEBALL WHEYPROTEIN TANKTOPS”.

But seriously there is nothing better than that first warm day.  Even the pale kids such as myself strut around as we are fully aware that people are going “dude, how can someone’s elbows be so pale?” as we get sunburnt walking from Golden Bear to Lytle.  Even that one creepy kid who patrols the south side of campus decides that today is a good day to just chill out and not terrify half the school.

Yet we always get screwed because only Mondays to Wednesdays are hot.  For some reason, the warm weather decides that weekends are their time off as well and we’ll get the wind and rain that spring is famous for.  Note, the coldest days every weekend are Sundays to Wednesdays where you can’t really enjoy it.


Finding Nemo Sucks

2 Apr

Today Disney, in which is certainly not an April Fool’s joke, announced that a sequel/prequel something to Finding Nemo would be released in 2015 called “Finding Dory”.  Naturally, upon this news I flipped out to the point of needing to be calmed down by all of those around me who were likely fearful that I would be the subject of a CAMPUS ALERT email.

Apparently Dory will be back in the film, along with Marlin (FISHSEX, their children would look like Fruit Gushers) which is another thing that rightly irritates me.

First off Finding Nemo was a nice film but it bothered me.  Everyone kept giving Marlin crap for being too cautious and they implored he took a deep breath.  Is everyone unfamiliar with how the movie began?  Some giant terroristic barracuda killed Marlin’s wife and 100+ children of theirs.  Granted, fish die all the time because they are stupid, but I think Marlin has every right to be cautious.  His family was murdered and all anybody could say is “Man, that Marlin needs to chill out…he’s way too overprotective”.  I guess I should assume that every fish in the movie, except for Crush-the old stoner of the film, lost all of their children in a murderous bloodbath so its no big deal.

Also Dory is clearly throwing herself at this poor widower.  She also ruins everything and the only thing that made her useful is she could read at a third grade level.  Oh thank god for Dory who clearly has no home and if she did, she would not remember it.  All she could do is tell Marlin to relax which sounds awfully idiotic coming from the fish who can’t even remember his name.  What purposes does Dory serve other than reading?  Let’s not forget in that scene, Marlin is frantically swimming so he would not die like the rest of his family.

But what sucks about another Finding Nemo movie is that I have to wait even longer for a sequel to The Incredibles which is the second greatest Pixar movie after Wall-E (because I’m liberal and that is by far our favorite Pixar movie) and that’s a shame.  Cars got a sequel and the first one was lame in itself.  The Mosnters, Inc. prequel is a waste of time and you can’t tell me that Toy Story deserved two and maybe a third sequel.  I’ll say it, Toy Story 2 was a waste of time.  The movie could’ve aptly been done in two films so all of your annoying Facebook friends could say “oh my god, I CRIED”.  Yeah well selling your toys is totally not on par with the murder of hundreds of fish.