Finding Nemo Sucks

2 Apr

Today Disney, in which is certainly not an April Fool’s joke, announced that a sequel/prequel something to Finding Nemo would be released in 2015 called “Finding Dory”.  Naturally, upon this news I flipped out to the point of needing to be calmed down by all of those around me who were likely fearful that I would be the subject of a CAMPUS ALERT email.

Apparently Dory will be back in the film, along with Marlin (FISHSEX, their children would look like Fruit Gushers) which is another thing that rightly irritates me.

First off Finding Nemo was a nice film but it bothered me.  Everyone kept giving Marlin crap for being too cautious and they implored he took a deep breath.  Is everyone unfamiliar with how the movie began?  Some giant terroristic barracuda killed Marlin’s wife and 100+ children of theirs.  Granted, fish die all the time because they are stupid, but I think Marlin has every right to be cautious.  His family was murdered and all anybody could say is “Man, that Marlin needs to chill out…he’s way too overprotective”.  I guess I should assume that every fish in the movie, except for Crush-the old stoner of the film, lost all of their children in a murderous bloodbath so its no big deal.

Also Dory is clearly throwing herself at this poor widower.  She also ruins everything and the only thing that made her useful is she could read at a third grade level.  Oh thank god for Dory who clearly has no home and if she did, she would not remember it.  All she could do is tell Marlin to relax which sounds awfully idiotic coming from the fish who can’t even remember his name.  What purposes does Dory serve other than reading?  Let’s not forget in that scene, Marlin is frantically swimming so he would not die like the rest of his family.

But what sucks about another Finding Nemo movie is that I have to wait even longer for a sequel to The Incredibles which is the second greatest Pixar movie after Wall-E (because I’m liberal and that is by far our favorite Pixar movie) and that’s a shame.  Cars got a sequel and the first one was lame in itself.  The Mosnters, Inc. prequel is a waste of time and you can’t tell me that Toy Story deserved two and maybe a third sequel.  I’ll say it, Toy Story 2 was a waste of time.  The movie could’ve aptly been done in two films so all of your annoying Facebook friends could say “oh my god, I CRIED”.  Yeah well selling your toys is totally not on par with the murder of hundreds of fish.


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