What Every Kutztown Student Needs To Do

21 May

So in light of another school year being over, and in light of me having one grand semester at Kutztown University left; I decided to create a list of things that all KU students must do before graduating.  Or since you are going to Kutztown, until you transfer.  So in a few years when people Google “Kutztown” this will pop up.  Got it?

  1. Survive Connections – If you do this, you are well on your way.  If you don’t, then I can’t blame you.
  2. Eat Mama’s at 1am – You’ll be excited.
  3. Eat Mama’s at 1pm – You’ll be disappointed.
  4. Complain about your advisor – Unless you have Dr. Engstrom.
  5. Attempt the BEAST at Spuds – You won’t do this.
  6. Meet a friend who’ll do that – You will do this, most KU students are idiots anyway.  Offer to repay him if they finish.  They will likely respond with “BRAH, I GOT THIS”
  7. Get a surround sound system and blast every lousy Avicii song you can – There is one person per wing who does this, might as well make it you.
  8. Don’t be a CA/RA/DR – ’nuff said.
  9. When it’s warm out, creep on people tanning on the DMZ – Just check your email afterwards to make sure the KU ALERT doesn’t talk about you.
  10. Don’t blame Allentown/Reading for every incident that occurs – Don’t be one of those people who go “ITS THE RIFF RAFF KU LETS IN”
  11. Eat at Snuzzles – Don’t Google it (i.e. you just Googled it) and be rewarded
  12. The Happy Hour Hurricane – Submitted by a friend.  That is, go to Happy Hours at the K’town Pub, Shorty’s, Basin Street and Camillo’s.
  13. Don’t befriend any LAX bro – Regardless of what gender you are, don’t be surprised when anything happens that fits the stereotype.
  14. Go to Pet Therapy Day – If you don’t, you deserve to be investigated by the Department of Justice.
  15. Giggle when you see Virginville is nearby – I still do.
  16. Never call Apex “The Edge” – Don’t be a tool.
  17. Don’t be a tool – Never call Apex “The Edge”
  18. Watch one movie at the Sub – Why not?
  19. Get a pretzel try from Pretzel Revolution – Make sure you call in two weeks in advance.
  20. Eat at all the “name” places – That is, Mark’s, Betty’s, Jaz & Nate’s, Uncle Joe’s
  21. Eat at Uncle Joe’s – That spot is cursed in Kutztown but Uncle Joe’s has the best chance of survival
  22. Grab pancakes from Letterman’s – Notice that I didn’t specify if you could finish it or not.
  23. Get ripped off at the POD – That’ll happen within one day of your freshman year.
  24. Eat a mashed potato box at the AF – ’cause it’s delicious.
  25. Attempt to down a He-Man special at Airport Diner – didn’t do it.
  26. Hype up Bearfest
  27. Be let down by Bearfest
  28. Let the lady ask you for “pickle or no pickle” at Chik-Fil-A before you specify your preference – You’ll thank me later.
  29. Ignore the gay marriage/abortion protestors when they come – Don’t be one of those “free spirited” folks that thinks its activist-y to challenge them.  Ignore them.
  30. Get White Castle – even though its in Allentown, it’s just awesome.
  31. Grab a Sheetz Card – thank me later, out-of-staters.
  32. Go to Sittler’s and enjoy the driving range or mini golf – Because you should.
  33. Never talk about lack of sleep to an art major – They’ll complain worse than Ron Weasley.
  34. Complain about myKU – This needs to be done.
  35. Make friends with Java City ladies – Even if you don’t get food.
  36. Be on the lookout for South Dining Hall’s Birthday Cake ice cream – Its rare.
  37. Go to the Pagoda – A pagoda in Kutztown you ask?  Well, no; it’s kind of in Reading/Wyomissing but it exists.
  38. Take a date to Premise Maid – Guaranteed success.
  39. Jump off Peace Rock – ONLY if you like cliff diving, its by the Cabela’s (think: the NRA’s version of Walmart) in Hamburg.

To be continued.

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2 Responses to “What Every Kutztown Student Needs To Do”

  1. D March 28, 2014 at 4:08 pm #

    #33 ain’t that the truth 😉

  2. Ann Dietrich July 10, 2014 at 3:58 pm #

    What about Mark’s Sandwich Shop??

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