The Office is over, but I’m just getting started. Now that the show has concluded and no characters will receive further developments and awful twists, we can now do things like this.
What made The Office so great is, and bare with me as you have heard this ad nauseam, how it celebrated mundane things such as downsizing, recessions and conflict resolutions. Of course most of the characters were awful in their own right, but remember that is YOUR future. You think that fancy English degree is going to get you far? Nope, you’ll probably be in some office with a lot of people who are not fun at all. So with that being said, we are going to put yourself into Dunder Mifflin and make you normal. Yes, normal. You’ll go to work, make a couple of friends, and go home. That’s it.
So let’s get to ranking them.
- Darryl – Coolest guy in the Office, the one you are most likely to be friends with and actually hang out with. Darryl Philbin was one of the more levelheaded people in the office and also the one who was able to be cool with everyone. His final “dance scene” was perfectly symbolic of how everybody liked Darryl.
- Creed – Creed is number one because he’s in Quality Assurance meaning you will likely not work with him much. Creed said about one funny thing per episode and given how little was known about him on the show with his co-workers, its perfect. He’s awful if you are a boss, but I guarantee he’d make you laugh once per day. Which is all you need. Plus, you don’t have to worry about being friends with him.
- Pam – Normal, definitely kind of a pushover at first, but a good receptionist. Stays out of the way, can put up with a lot and probably knows the town in and out. Yeah, she’s too much of a pushover but Pam is the one person who probably knows everything about the boss and is dying to make fun of them.
- Meredith – Most likely to go to the bar for Happy Hour. That’s cool, Meredith always wanted to have a fun time and that can be a fun thing especially considering that you would probably not hang out with her much during the day. Win-win and guarantee you can tell stories about her.
- Jim – Jim is obviously everyone’s favorite character and he’d probably be the number one for everybody. But think of this. The guy slacks off all the time, is the second best salesman at the company, and suddenly gets promoted to co-manager, screws up and then looks for ways to get out of working. It must suck to try and make an honest living and the smirky camera guy is much better, gets all the perks, and does half the work you do.
- Toby – Calm, reassuring, willing to put up with everything. He’s most likely to keep everything quiet and its his job to listen and keep quiet. Whiny, yes, but reliable.
- Phyllis – Stays out of the way for the most part but is known to be gossipy and Bob Vance seems like a tool. You deal with her but you also deal with the occasional spreading of your gossip which is just a pain in the ass.
- Kevin – Remember HE is partly in charge of you getting your paycheck back. Great in theory, probably great in out of office situations but when your money is on the line, you don’t want Kevin Malone around.
- Andy – He tries really hard to get your attention but is an excellent distraction, plus if you are a salesman you will probably guaranteed be better than him at your job. He’s a security blanket, just a little too annoying to be taken more seriously plus he tries way too hard.
- Erin – Bubbly, funny but oh so stupid. Probably won’t be a great friend and you’ll complain a bit and if you are having a bad day, bubbly people are just so damn awful.
- Oscar – No one likes a know-it-all. Doesn’t seem to give a damn about his co-workers which is fine and dandy, makes him a good employee, but an awful person to have around. Fact: the person that thinks they are the normal one and voice of reason are 99% of the time not.
- Michael – Major distraction but not a complete douche. That’s what separates him from the rest, I don’t care if you are like “OMG I WISH HE WAS MY BOSS”, no you don’t. He’s funny because he’s NOT funny, in real life that ISN’T funny. What saves him is that he’s fun and if you make one friend in the office, then time will pass.
- Stanley – Doesn’t care, won’t know you and is kind of a major tool. You stay clear from Stanleys.
- Dwight – A kissass with no redeemable qualities sounds like a recipe for avoidance. He’s disgusting if you are a female, a tool if you are a male…he’s not a nerd as in a Big Bang Theory one but he’s also the best salesman in the office which is major frustration.
- Ryan – The biggest prick that ever existed on the show. If its Ryan the Temp, he only moves up like two spots. Anything after salesman, he could be the worst. There is no redeemable characteristics to Ryans in real life.
- Kelly – A dramatic Erin, yeah no.
- Gabe – Paul Ryan without….nah, that’s about apt.
- Angela – Angelas are the worst things about the world. Imagine a more judgmental Michele Bachmann and you get Angela; the conniving, incredibly rude and judgmental person who thinks you are going to hell. Is there anything worse than that? No there isn’t, Angelas are the scourge of humanity and of America.