Well, it’s Harry Potter’s birthday and I believe he turns the big 3-3 this year. In the sixteen years since he essentially vanquished evil from the wizarding world, we can assume that he’s either cashing in on his fame by running for Minister of Magic, trying to teach at Hogwarts or in the midst of a very dangerous Floo Powder addiction. Don’t give me that “oh he’s an Auror now!” jazz J.K. Rowling; there’s no way that’s true using REAL WORLD LOGIC. If you spent the better part of one year in the middle of some forest trying to find Horcruxes, I don’t know about you but Auror would seem to be a massive letdown.
But if Harry was smart, he would have ditched Ron Weasley by this point. Let me point this out right now, there is not a single worst fictional book character than Ronald Weasley. Everything about him is miserable and completely awful and he’s just simply awful.
Ron Weasley spends essentially the entire series complaining that Harry is more famous than him, he can’t get laid and his siblings are more accomplished than him. SPOILER ALERT, he whines about this in EVERY book. First off Ron, I’m sure Harry must love the fact that he grew up essentially to be an abused orphan throughout his entire life and the fact that the most powerful person in the wizarding world wanted him dead. Second off, you got Lavender Brown and Hermione Granger interested in you for reasons that no one truly knows. To this day, I believe that J.K. Rowling hooked up Ron and Hermione so she had a reason to keep him in the books because weird fangirls love redheads for some reason.
The Weasley clan is poor which is sad, I can relate to, but silly me; being poor in the wizarding world seems WAY different than it does in the Muggle world. In fact I always pictured the Weasley household to seem like the boarding house in Hey Arnold with all of these people coming in and out. But still, Ron has to wear hand-me-downs, gets little for Christmas and has great food every night. That’s not quite on par with living in the dishwasher like Harry had to deal with.
Plus the brothers aren’t all that special. Charlie was a great Quidditch player but has a thing for dragons. Bill is a hipster. Percy is one of the Romney sons. Fred and George were the only relevant ones to me and Ginny is FEISTY. She’s just like Jennifer Lawrence! I really like what they did to Ginny though but she’s too good for Harry. Ginny should’ve been with Malfoy and they could raise horribly pale freckly children with wild hair.
Anyway back to Ron. Has there been a worst friend in history than Ron Weasley? He ditches Harry whenever the going gets tough, he whines all the time, he’s a worse student than Harry but lacks bravery and when he earns the slightest microcosm of success; he becomes insufferable. I was secretly hoping they’d lose the Quidditch World Cup when Harry was in permanent detention/banishment/what the hell was that so Ron would get cut from the team. If Gryffindor was smart, they would’ve redshirted Oliver Wood.
Ron sucks and is in no way worthy of any praise whatsoever. When they were trying to kill the Horcruxes, Ron somehow got into the Chamber of Secrets? You are telling me that Ron had that foresight? The kid can’t even save a Quaffle when only the Slytherin starting 7 is watching them, you are expecting me to believe he imitated a snake and then had the guts to take the fangs? I’m not buying that J.K. Rowling though I guess we now know what the J.K. stands for.
Dumbledore made this kid a prefect? That has to be a joke. I don’t care what Dumbledore’s motives were, you should make the case that Dumbledore should be removed from office for making such horrific decisions. At least he rectified it by giving Ron the Deluminator because let’s be real, he knew he was going to run away the minute they reached an impasse.
I got so excited when there were rumors that a major character would be killed off in every book. I was finally thinking “yes, now Harry can find a real friend”. But no, Ron always survived like some type of leeching fungus. The epilogue, the worst part of any Harry Potter book, was a sham. There’s no way that Ron does not pick up a cocaine addiction and then writes a tell-all memoir called “The REAL Harry” in which he writes about how Harry introduced him to drugs. Then Ron would go on Celebrity Rehab and cry to Dr. Drew about not being famous before running back home halfway through the season.