Alex’s HateSong: Firework By Katy Perry

13 Aug

I’m not really a guy to hate a lot of music, I have my niche in classic rock (102.9 WMGK out of Philly is my go to station), but can appreciate most other forms, as long as I’m not subjected to them on a recurring basis.

Unfortunately for me, this happens from time-to-time and I must say that Firework by Katy Perry is the worst offender in my time. This song came out while I was in college, at a private university without a religious affiliation. Essentially, I was surrounded by a plethora of over-privileged white folks that live #yolo to it’s core as long as mommy and daddy don’t mind tossing their AMEX to keep princess from whining.

Therefore, nearly every day, whether I was in the car (because NYC doesn’t have a really solid classic rock station) listening to whatever poppy mix station, or at my job (at the time was Best Buy), or walking to class, or trying to sleep in a dorm, I had to hear that stupid song. The problem is, as soon as the song comes on, you know the rest of it. “Do you feel like a plastic bag. . .” and then there’s nothing you can do, you’re trapped. You can think, “Oh, this time it won’t bother me so much, everybody else likes it, and Katy Perry is fun to look at” but you’re wrong.

What was worse was the girls that think they have a set of pipes on them like Katy Perry and would go ahead belting out the chorus like a goat caught in a bear trap. . . “BABY YOURE A FIIIIREEEWOOOORK COME ON SHOW EM WHAT YOURE WOOORTTHHH” oh my God that th at the end of worth, I’ve never seen so much spit flying out a person’s mouth. This song was a biological hazard thinking back on it.

Have you ever sat and actually considered the lyrics? Katy Perry says, “Hey, ya feel depressed? Ya sad?” (paraphrasing) on to “Don’t give up, kid. There’s a spark in you” “You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine, Just own the night like the 4th of July.”

I think terrorism, she wants you to light up the night like July 4th, which is replication of BOMBS bursting in air. Bombs. You’re depressed, blow up like bombs, “boom boom boom even brighter than the moon moon moon.” How much is Al Qaeda paying you, Katy Perry? Because I haven’t seen subliminal advertising like that since the Yvan eht nioj episode of the Simpsons. (see here: sorry for poor quality).

That being said, I’m so glad this song is burried somewhere in the back of every early to mid twenties girl’s ipod under “songs of Spring 20-whatever” and I won’t be subjected to it until I’m at a house warming party and some overly trashed girl wants to grab on to those good old times and take a stroll down memory lane. At which point I can politely dip out side, have a smoke, and act like Freddie Mercury isn’t spinning in his grave at what passes for a hit now-a-days.

If you want to submit your own, you know what to do.


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