So I was bored and thought that everyone liked the post I once had called “Your Major Sucks” but since I’m back in college for one last go around; I realize how much I hate everyone here! So I rewarded myself for getting an extra semester and debt and being stuck around the people I hate. What a great idea :cries and puts on King of Queens reruns:.
Anyway, now that the Phillies suck and I am alone in my room; let’s go deeper into why your major sucks and yes this is ultrasimilar to the Why Your NFL Team Sucks pieces by Drew Magary from Deadspin. So now that I got that out of the way, I’m going to try and do these nightly and yes I will do my own major as well so if you aren’t in this major, enjoy; if you are? HAHAHAHA.
Typical Accounting Major: Bro who didn’t want to think too much to be in Math and wasn’t shrewd enough for Business.
What They’ll Say They Do: “D0000D, I’MA FIRST GO TO GNC AND THEN STUDY FOR SMITH’S CLASS FOR A FEW MINUTES BEFORE I CHUG A MONSTER AND COOK MYSELF BREAKFAST.
Their Future Profession (According To Them): Accounting majors are 100% sure they will be a CPA, open a small office in their hometown and gradually end up working for the government or some huge business.
Their Likely Profession: Accountant for two years until they realize it sucks and they end up opening a gym and making more money.
Why Accounting Sucks: Well, I sucked at it not because it was hard but because my Professor was convinced that Accounting was the reason humans decided to reproduce and create fire. That turned me off as I realized I was incapable of getting hard off the idea of managing assets and liquidating myself. Accounting is not quite math and not quite business, so its a really specific brand of existence. It is like being stuck in Hufflepuff. “Well, good job on existing but you are practically useless and Microsoft Excel should replace you guys anyday now!”. Seriously, is there a reason why Excel or Access hasn’t replaced them yet? Big Business hates Accounting majors because they are elitist, white folk who would wrestle a blind man for fun; so why do they keep them around? I guess they need someone to beat up on and firing them would require too much work.
Why Accounting Doesn’t Suck: It takes a certain person to be an Accountant. You have to realize that your time is dedicated to managing other people’s things and that they are too idiotic to understand. That has to be frustrating. Also, Accounting majors piss off Mathematics people because Accounting majors have friends and that drives them insane. They belong on Earth for that sole reason only. Anything that pisses off Math people (friendship, history, grammar, outdoors, family, thoughts, fantasies, pornography, alcohol, women, men, Mark Sanchez) is good by me.
Typical Response To Why Their Major Sucks: “YO, WHERE DO YOU LIVE CAUSE AFTER I SHOTGUN THIS OLD MILWAUKEE I’LL BE DERE”.