Your Major Sucks: Accounting

12 Sep

So I was bored and thought that everyone liked the post I once had called “Your Major Sucks” but since I’m back in college for one last go around; I realize how much I hate everyone here!  So I rewarded myself for getting an extra semester and debt and being stuck around the people I hate.  What a great idea :cries and puts on King of Queens reruns:.

Anyway, now that the Phillies suck and I am alone in my room; let’s go deeper into why your major sucks and yes this is ultrasimilar to the Why Your NFL Team Sucks pieces by Drew Magary from Deadspin.  So now that I got that out of the way, I’m going to try and do these nightly and yes I will do my own major as well so if you aren’t in this major, enjoy; if you are?  HAHAHAHA.

Accounting

Typical Accounting Major:  Bro who didn’t want to think too much to be in Math and wasn’t shrewd enough for Business.

What They’ll Say They Do:  “D0000D, I’MA FIRST GO TO GNC AND THEN STUDY FOR SMITH’S CLASS FOR A FEW MINUTES BEFORE I CHUG A MONSTER AND COOK MYSELF BREAKFAST.

Their Future Profession (According To Them): Accounting majors are 100% sure they will be a CPA, open a small office in their hometown and gradually end up working for the government or some huge business.

Their Likely Profession:  Accountant for two years until they realize it sucks and they end up opening a gym and making more money.

Why Accounting Sucks:  Well, I sucked at it not because it was hard but because my Professor was convinced that Accounting was the reason humans decided to reproduce and create fire.  That turned me off as I realized I was incapable of getting hard off the idea of managing assets and liquidating myself.  Accounting is not quite math and not quite business, so its a really specific brand of existence.  It is like being stuck in Hufflepuff.  “Well, good job on existing but you are practically useless and Microsoft Excel should replace you guys anyday now!”.  Seriously, is there a reason why Excel or Access hasn’t replaced them yet?  Big Business hates Accounting majors because they are elitist, white folk who would wrestle a blind man for fun; so why do they keep them around?  I guess they need someone to beat up on and firing them would require too much work.

Why Accounting Doesn’t Suck:  It takes a certain person to be an Accountant.  You have to realize that your time is dedicated to managing other people’s things and that they are too idiotic to understand.  That has to be frustrating.  Also, Accounting majors piss off Mathematics people because Accounting majors have friends and that drives them insane.  They belong on Earth for that sole reason only.  Anything that pisses off Math people (friendship, history, grammar, outdoors, family, thoughts, fantasies, pornography, alcohol, women, men, Mark Sanchez) is good by me.

Typical Response To Why Their Major Sucks:  “YO, WHERE DO YOU LIVE CAUSE AFTER I SHOTGUN THIS OLD MILWAUKEE I’LL BE DERE”.

 

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2 Responses to “Your Major Sucks: Accounting”

  1. Mickey November 28, 2014 at 12:38 pm #

    I know exactly what you mean. I’m glad I got out of the profession when I was only 30, and still had time to find a career that I enjoy. I won’t ever go back to accounting.

  2. blahblahblacksheep April 7, 2016 at 12:54 am #

    I’m an Info Sys major, and at my college I’m forced to take 2 acct and 2 finance classes… which I feel is overkill, since the IS classes they give us are a hodge-podge of generalization that lets your Bach in IS qualify you for a $10/hr tech support job unless you absolutely go on and get the Masters in IS.

    Accounting sucks, because it over-complicates everything. It’s not even math… the math is bonehead easy (just addition, subtraction, multiplication… it’s basic 6th grade level math). It’s how they want things in a certain place in the ledger, or you have to break things apart in confusing ways only to consolidate them back together to create the difference you calculated originally and thought was correct.

    Even the order in which you have to journalize shit is just frustrating to no end.

    It’s basically taking 6th grade level math, and applying so many framing parameters and rules on how to do it that it boggles the mind and just aggravates everyone.

    EG: I just got done doing some accounting homework on budgets and variances. I had the correct answers for shoring up my Manufacturing Overhead journal entry. I had the correct amounts for Variable Overhead Cost Variance, Variable Overhead Efficiency Variance, Fixed Overhead Cost Variance and Fixed Overhead Volume Variance. I had the correct amount that Manufacturing Overhead needed to be. The online homework did not like my answers. I knew they were the right answers, though, because previously it had me calculate them and said they were correct. I finally gave up and just clicked through the multiple times it gave me to correct them. The issue? I didn’t have my debits journalized before my credits.

    To this I say “FUCK. YOU.” … you see, it’s not just a matter of having the right answers / numbers. You must them bend over backwards to put the little lego blocks in the right order or the system throws a fucking fit.

    But, this is where college accounting is so archaic. I’m in InfoSys… all I want to do is dump values into a computer, and let the computer figure it out. I want to create a formula, then just plug numbers into it and let a spreadsheet or computer program grind it out.

    Having to learn to do this all by hand is like learning roman numerals… it just seems very pointless.

    Managerial Accounting should be a wonderful overview every business major should have, but even that they muck down with journal entries and minutiae that just makes a student want to punch their computer monitor.

    Like I said, the math behind accounting is not hard… 6th grade math. But, Accounting itself reminds me of every moment in history when someone has had too much time on their hands and they dreamt up a way to over-complicate something that should have been very easy. EG: the samurai were bushi warriors in Japan with too much time and money on their hands in between wars. So, they dreamt up elaborate codes of conduct and stuff to make themselves seem more important then they really were.

    And that’s what Accounting is. It’s an over-complicated system to make Accountaints feel more important then they really are. Yes, they are important. It’s good to have a person keeping track of the cash flows and such. But… the system foisted upon us all is archaic and overly-complicated.

    I’m also really miffed that I have tons of business classes when they should be giving me SQL Server certification classes and other useful things for the IS world. Business Management majors, Marketing majors, etc can get a Bach and go out and get a decent job. I have to get a Masters in IS if I want a decent job, because my degree has too many bus classes bloating it up and too many generalized IS classes that don’t specialize it enough for a real job.

    I really wonder why I’m in college instead of just taking a boot camp certificaiton course sometimes.

    Anyways, tl;dr, Accounting sucks, because Accountants decided they’d be laughed at if everyone realized all they do is 6th grade math all day, so they created an over-complicated system of rules to justify their existence. They can go die in a fire as far as I care.

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