So I was bored and thought that everyone liked the post I once had called “Your Major Sucks” but since I’m back in college for one last go around; I realize how much I hate everyone here! So I rewarded myself for getting an extra semester and debt and being stuck around the people I hate. What a great idea :cries and puts on King of Queens reruns:.
Anyway, now that the Phillies suck and I am alone in my room; let’s go deeper into why your major sucks and yes this is ultrasimilar to the Why Your NFL Team Sucks pieces by Drew Magary from Deadspin. So now that I got that out of the way, I’m going to try and do these nightly and yes I will do my own major as well so if you aren’t in this major, enjoy; if you are? HAHAHAHA. Keep in mind these are parodies and not literally you.
Typical Criminal Justice Major: A guy who in the future will meet three of his wives at Cabela’s. A person that cares more about the “criminal” part than the “justice” part of their major. Loves guns and shooting them which is awesome when you think they are entering a field in which they MAY be packing heat at all times.
What They’ll Say They Do: :looks at you with camouflaged hat: :spits Skoal on the ground: :shoots gun: :quotes the Walking Dead: :goes into car with NRA bumper stick and “NOBAMA”: “I want to be a cop.”
Their Future Profession (According To Them): State Trooper.
Their Likely Profession: Take your pick between mall cop, security guard or custodian (was one for three years, what makes cops get into cleaning?).
Why Criminal Justice Sucks: “Hey, that’s a major now?” is a phrase that I’m sure every cop over the age of 35 has said one time or another about criminal justice. Its one of those majors that could best be described as “kinda”. For example “oh, that’s kinda like law”, “that’s kinda like being a cop, right?”, “that’s kinda scary”, “yeah, my Dad kinda made me do this because he’s a no-nonsense hardass :blasts soundtrack to 8 Mile:”. Also, do you really need to take criminal justice if you want to be a cop? I thought all cops were out-of-shape veterans or history majors that had an erection each time professors talked about Hiroshima, Nagaski and defeating communism.
Why Criminal Justice Doesn’t Suck: Well, they all could beat the living piss out of me if they took one stare so they have that going for them. Also, the “kindas” make it a lot more difficult than you imagine. Yeah, they aren’t lawyers but they have to know things like procedures and rights so after they get their 3.0 or above; they can neglect all they learned, RIGHT? Also, forensics is likely a cooler and tougher class than any class I have ever taken in my made-up major. So….you don’t fully suck!
Typical Response To Why Their Major Sucks: :loads gun: :retweets post on why Obamacare is communist: :likes post on why gun control is communist: :closes eyes and wishes they could kill every person in PETA: “I dare you to say that again.”