Anonymous Scouting Report: White Linebacker

18 Oct

Tonight’s installment is brought to you by Jamil Larkins, a writer for StraightFresh.Net and you can follow him on Twitter @Jamil_SF.

Name:  Chad White

Position:  Middle Linebacker

College:  Pennsylvania State University

Height:  5’11, 235 Pounds


Reminds me of a Spike Hammersmith mixed with Ivan Drago. Instinctual. Great hips.  – Mike Mayock

This guy is a tackling machine. When you talk about a throwback player, a guy that laces his cleats up one foot at a time and runs around the field and makes plays, this guy is at the top of that conversation. – Mel Kiper, Jr.

Now lemme tell you something. This guy might not be the best athalete in the country, but he possesses the inequivocal skill and grace to lead his teammates through actions. Watch how what he do on the field translates into efficacious and boombastic emotion in the locker room. The loudest one in the room, is the weakest one in the room. Glory be to god. – Ray Lewis

Wears his pants around his navel and shows up on time for team meetings. And you people wonder why he’s gonna be a top 5 pick. – Don Lemon

WHITE AND TOUGH AS NAILS. I LIKE HIM. Nicknamed him Tackleback cuz he tackles backs. – Jon Gruden



Under-sized. Great upside.  – Todd McShay

He’s definitely not the biggest guy on the field, but he can break through the line like Ross broke out of the friend zone with Rachel. – Rick Reilly

Sometimes on the football field, the sun shines so bright that you gotta take a few plays to yourself. Hard as hell to catch that damn ball when you can’t see past your own hands. Wish I had one of the fancy visors that the youngbloods wear today. Can you repeat the question? – Michael Irvin

Not as fast as his black counterparts in this draft class. Instead of being covered in gang tattoos and wearing Jordan cleats, this guys wears his heart and team colors on his sleeve.  – Colin Cowherd.


Other Tidbits:

7.0 GPA and graduated in 3 years with a bachelor of science in Finance ….3 time Academic All-American….President of university Autism Speaks chapter….Nominee for the Bednarik Award….Once lifted a 2-ton boulder to save a child trapped in the Appalachian Mountains

Why This Is Bull:

The funny thing about this series is that though it’s a spoof, a lot of this is actually true. There have been countless amounts of white linebackers, especially from PSU, who fit the description of a hard-nosed ‘throwback’ guy. Brian Urlacher, Zach Thomas, Paul Posluszny, Dan Connor, Sean Lee, etc. You know, the guys with missing teeth, playing with a bloody cranium like Tyler Hansbrough (correct, who is also white), or break their finger off during the game and play down a digit.

In the changing times of the NFL, less-emphasis is being put on finding that “rock” of the defense at the middle linebacker position, so white guys who can’t run are being phased out of defenses everywhere. Unless you can cover the tight-end and blitz with the best of them, you can’t sneak by being slow, undersized, and having a high “football IQ” anymore. Luke Kuechly and Brian Cushing are the new breed of white defensive players, matching the skill set of guys like Demarcus Ware, Aldon Smith, Von Miller, Brian Orakpo and more. Catch up.


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