Decided to start a new segment and see if it lasts. Basically, I will just recap the day games from the week of NFL games and add my two cents while talking about other sports or pop culture topics. Really, its just me talking out of my ass but I like doing this and I can easily quit this right away if I get bored since five people read this. That’s what is awesome about being an anonymous blogger with a few friends; I can do whatever I please (as long as I don’t praise Stalin or call Orange is the New Black overrated) so let’s get it on.
Calm Down Eagles Fans:
I get it. I live in the Philadelphia area (go to college about 45 minutes away and live in South Jersey aka the armpit of Philly) and I fully get the tortured Philly fan logic. I’m a Colts fan in the NFL (more on that later for those finding this via Google Search) but am a proud Philadelphia fan in other sports so I understand what happens.
Our fanbase gets destroyed mercilessly because we threw snowballs at a lousy Santa Claus. Then we threw batteries at J.D. Drew because Scott Boras is terrible and cheered a motionless Michael Irvin. The first one is no big deal, the other one is pretty lowly and the last one is rather disgusting. Then there was the whole “there’s a jail under Veterans Stadium!” but find me a fanbase that isn’t ruthless. Put a bunch of drunk bros and alcoholics together and of course you will get some putrid instances. How many fanbases have cheered injured players? How many fanbases have tried to make women flash the crowd?
If Philly does it, it suddenly becomes a reason to get a bunch of SportsCenter montages on “Unruly Philadelphia Sports Moments” and BuzzFeed articles that go “20 Reasons Why Eagles Fans Are Similar To The Muslim Brotherhood”.
Nonetheless, the Eagles did not have a good game today against the Cowboys. Nick Foles looked like how he normally does against any team not named the Buccaneers and he seems destined to be traded for a 7th-round pick to the Minnesota Vikings. But at least we got to see Matt Barkley play! After Foles left with some type of head injury, the once-highly touted USC prospect looked like the rightful heir to Matt Leinart, Mark Sanchez, etc. when it comes to underperforming in the pros. Then again, the Eagles were down and obviously throwing which mixed with a QB with little game experience; its going to be ugly.
The Eagles were a lousy team last year and already look much better. The good news is that unlike other sports, its quick to become a playoff caliber team in the NFL. Hell the Eagles will be a fringe wildcard contender this year which is a massive upgrade over the DIII team they resembled last year. DeSean Jackson even looks like he cares! Shady McCoy is probably the best RB in the game not named Adrian Peterson right now.
So you’ll be fine. I think the Cowboys, a likely playoff team, looked worst comparative to their situation than Philly. Romo had his Romo moments, which is a blend between Johnny Unitas and Blaine Gabbert. Romo is the Dale Earnhardt Jr. of the NFL. He gets a bunch of grief, will never be a championship contender, but when you look past some things (lack of big wins, high name recognition, etc.) they are perfectly acceptable competitors. Yes, I just compared Romo to a NASCAR driver.
Calvin Johnson Is Ridiculous
I own Calvin Johnson in a fantasy league which is such an awesome sentence to be able to type. It hasn’t worked out but it always looks cool seeing his name on your team and when it clicks (such as today) it’s awesome. However, its terrifying when he’s injured because he’s just so amazing at what he does. Matt Stafford is the more bro/less curmudgeon version of Jay Cutler. Solid QB, fringe Pro Bowler, but he’s kind of an idiot. Thankfully he has Calvin Johnson and the receiving version of Reggie Bush.
Oh, there was a game by them. Well other fantasy wideout of mine (AJ Green) had a great game today too. Andy Dalton put up some good numbers and I can’t wait until his career stalls out and he looks like Matt Schaub. I hope Cincinnati is ready for some fun in the regular season and the inevitable stalling out in the playoffs after the first round or two.
Jay Cutler Is Jay Cutler
A few weeks ago, the consensus was that Jay Cutler will finally still be appreciated by Bears fans. He showed off his ridiculous arm strength mixed with Brandon Marshall not being arrested and even showed “moxie”. Then he threw a pick 6 today and pulled his groin which will inevitably bring up the question “will he ever be elite” which is a lousy argument. There are about five elite QBs in every generation and if you have to ask if someone is elite; they likely aren’t. That doesn’t stop Jon Gruden though from hyping up Grundle Grinders or whatever he calls them.
Still, Josh McCown replaced Cutler which is hilarious because Josh McCown is employed in the NFL. Was Tyler Thigpen or Matt Moore not available or something? However, McCown led the Bears to an offensive shootout with the Redskins and RG III. McCown wasn’t terrible though he owes Matt Forte and Devin Hester all the women in Narnia for keeping this game freakishly competitive.
RG III should be shaking off the rust any moment now which is great because instead of talking about the insensitivity regarding the name we can talk about the eventual drama between him and Mike Shanahan. I don’t see the big deal, Shanahan is a fool and RG III should be worried about being his coach. Shanahan has lived off the teat of John Elway his whole coaching career (and his Zone Blocking Scheme that gets people like Alfred Morris and Tatum Bell productive) but why is it a big deal when RG III isn’t always supportive of him? I feel like not a week goes by in which Ben Roethlisberger tries to form a sentence together and destroys Todd Haley or another teammate for a reason he forgot.
The Rams and Panthers Played
That happened. Uhh, the Panthers won and Kellen Clemens is the Rams backup QB. Is there anything else to say other than Sam Bradford got injured, will likely be replaced and we get to watch Kellen Clemens lead an offense for a bit?
Gronk Is Back And Geno Smith Is Totally Mark Sanchez
After months of disputing between the Patriots and the Rob Gronkowski brothers (note: I just want that to be true); our favorite guy who would likely be sending us awful Facebook club invitations if he didn’t play football has returned! Hilariously it didn’t work as Geno Smith beat the Patriots.
Tom Brady easily is having the roughest year of his phenomenal career with a supporting cast that can be rated as B2K at best. I can already see Rick Reilly comparing this year’s Patriots receiving corps to the cast of 50 Shades of Grey. Anyway, Geno Smith had a so-so game that will be the Jets fans worst nightmare; another year of Rex Ryan. Geno Smith will be a Sanchez redux and I know that Rex is getting his tattoo altered as we speak. But do we really expect this to last with a substantial supporting cast, nutcase owner Woody Johnson and Rex Ryan? They are squeaking by but I’d rather be 2-14 than 7-9 with a long way to go. You are just costing yourself future stars.
Tampa Bay Loses To Atlanta
Mike Glennon is screwed right now. He’s been giving the keys to the franchise by Greg Schiano (problem one) is practicing in MRSA Bay (problem two) and Doug Martin left the game with an injury. This year’s QB class might be one of the worst ever with the best one looking like Geno Smith. Let that sink in.
Schiano is terrible and at first I was pissed he left Rutgers but its clear that it was worth him bolting the Scarlet Knights to embarrass himself on the national stage. I wish the Bucs were better so we could get another year of Schiano beating the piss out of his offensive coordinators for not looking him in the eye.
The Falcons beating the Bucs by a few points without WRs Roddy White and Julio Jones is still an accomplishment within itself. Matt Ryan has only Harry Douglas and Jacquizz Rodgers at his disposal which is pretty subpar. GRUDENGRINDER.
Thad Lewis Vs. Ryan Tannehill
Sounds like an election from the 1890s but this happened. Both QBs did well, though Tannehill had a costly two INTs but all things considered; I think the Dolphins will be OK with Tannehill for the next few years. He was a raw QB prospect that was probably drafted too high but it could’ve been way worse. If the Dolphins can get a solid running game (Lamar Miller probably isn’t that guy) and an eventual replacement for Jake Long; this team has a shot. Then again, I have no idea if thats true because I’m talking out of my ass and barely have seen them play.
Thad Lewis might be able to float around the league for awhile and look good on the sidelines. EJ Manuel is going to get every chance to tear his MCL so he is getting a nice little audition for a future gig. I kind of bet Cleveland wish they kept him.
Brandon Weeden Is Terrible
Sure he’s a nice guy though but jeez, you can’t get outclassed by Brian Hoyer and be a 40-year old rookie in the NFL. Thankfully he’ll be past his athletic prime in a year or two so the Browns can get a shiny new QB to tear their ACL in Week 4.
The Bolts Are Decent
Philip Rivers is someone I want to fail on a permanent basis but he’s been playing very well lately. In fact the Chargers look like they did before Norv Turner messed with everything. Then again, is it that difficult to beat the Jaguars? Holy hell this team is terrible and while they could beat Alabama; I doubt they could beat a UFL team. Its a shame that league is gone, I mean how could a team like the Omaha Nighthawks not be around anymore?
The Steelers Win
I’m the son of two Steelers fans. My Mom went to school with Franco Harris and my Dad adopted the team in exchange for my Mom taking his last name. Fair trade. Still, the Steelers are a team that could very well be the worst one loss team in league history. If the offense would’ve showed up for a tiny bit the first two weeks; they could’ve squeaked out the Titans and Bengals. If Roethlisberger could’ve thrown a TD in England, they’d be able to have defeated the Matt Cassel led Vikings.
I bet the Steelers win 9 games this year and get all kinds of accolades for their “blue collar” play because only certain towns are allowed to be blue-collar in a league in which almost every starting player is a millionaire on a team owned by billionaires.
The Niners Are Looking Good Again
Colin Kaepernick is starting to look better and running the ball better. That’s not very good for the rest of the NFL and I think Kaepernick will be able to adapt to the NFL adapting to him. Frank Gore is still a better RB than most and if Crabtree can be half the WR for them; this team will look every bit like the Super Bowl favorite they once were considered.
Good for Jake Locker to return so quickly from a terrifying looking injury. Locker was making some strides this season and depending on how they finish, it looks like the Titans might have a lesser Roethlisberger on their team.
The Chiefs Are Still Undefeated
But Andy Reid is the coach, so they won’t do anything right? It would be hilarious if a game manager and Andy Reid win a Super Bowl though. The best news today for Texans fans is that Case Keenum has a different name than TJ Yates or Matt Schaub.
Don’t Cry When Peyton Wins
Peyton Manning made me an NFL fan when I was a wee lad who watched him play for the Volunteers. I vaguely remember the commercials highlighting the Heisman race between Charles Woodson, Manning, Randy Moss and Ryan Leaf to this day and he made me a Colts fan; which I still am today with Andrew Luck.
Seeing Manning destroy the Colts tonight, my prediction at least, will be sad to see but I’m glad for all the fun memories he gave me growing up and now I see why people didn’t want to see Brett Favre retire.
- This is the worst World Series ever. I hate Boston. But I really hate Middle America and that’s why I can’t root for the Cardinals in good faith. Middle America thinks they own America because we have to cater to their declining industries, nickname it the “heartland” and talk about how the simple folk are. They get the words “blue collar”, politicians always have to cater to Beau and his cornfield while the rest of us are “elitists”. The Bible Belt holds America back. So even though St. Louis has an arch (simple monument for a simple region), they will never get my support which is fine because they will win and laugh at me.
- The point system in NASCAR is ridiculous. I don’t see why individual competitions need playoffs. Shouldn’t the best individual who was best all year win? I understand the appeal of ratings but I don’t see how a team that is dialed in all year (mechanically that is) will fare any worse in the final ten races than they did in the first 20+.
- Why did Subway pick Justin Tuck and Jarvis Jones to be their pitchmen? Nothing against them but why not LaMar Woodley, JJ Watt, or any other player?