The Top Places To Eat In Kutztown

27 Mar

Still unemployed and stuck in Kutztown!

Well, I decided to do another personal quest and this is hilarious considering my last blog post was basically “DOWN WITH LISTS” and here I am doing a list.  But this list is different.  It’s a ranking of all the food places in Kutztown, Pennsylvania because we have a lot of them.  Isn’t that great logic for wanting to make a post about it?  I bet Adam Levine has a blog post of all the STDs he has.

Anyway, without further adu; here is a completely biased, partial and partisan list of the top food places in Kutztown to go to.

  1. Betty’s –  Betty’s is the best.  That is without a question and without a doubt.  Betty’s has the best wraps in the area and you don’t have to sell your blood plasma to afford them (looking at you Kutztown Tavern).  I am a big fan of the chicken and cheese wraps but they also supply you with local Kutztown soda.  How small town of them!  The only downside is that there’s a 90% chance Zooey Deschanal would eat here if she were a KU student which is a real bummer.  Oh well, Betty’s is the best.
  2. Uncle Joe’s Pizza – Kutztown is overflowed with pizza establishments and everyone knows the corner spot by campus is fool’s gold.  I’ve had three pizza places here and none have lasted.  But Uncle Joe’s is the best of all.  Affordable, friendly and a feeling that you can actually watch TV and have a conversation there is a big plus.  Great pizza too.
  3. Kutztown Tavern – Never been there because poor.  But everyone says its good and everyone was right about The Beatles.
  4. Camillo’s Pizza – Pricey compared to the other pizza places, but worth it.  Underrated happy hour though you hang out with the townies who I swear are convinced that Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty are still current pop stars.
  5. Academic Forum – Best place to eat on campus.  The AF will destroy your flex account in two weeks flat but there’s a reason why there is never a table available.  Well, its small but its good!  Same logic applies to Emma Watson.
  6. Letterman’s – I imagine this is what it would be like to eat in Beijing where the crowds swallow you whole.   Great freakin’ pancakes though and could admittedly be higher.
  7. The Frying Dutchman – Maybe Dunkin Donuts won’t kill the Dutchman but its probably best you try some homemade donuts.  Beats that bicycle shop they had in town earlier.
  8. The Pretzel Revolution – Half of the time, the fresh pretzels would knock them up the list.  But the other half the time, the pretzels are pretty much similar to eating a tire with salt.  Tread with caution, always check out the display cases before judging.  The late-night people who eschew Mama’s for Pretzel Rev are the worst.
  9. Jaz & Nate’s Cheesesteaks – Love the cheesesteaks, but the prices are a bit up there.  Delivery people come on time though.
  10. Pop’s Malt Shoppe – Good deals, but since its just ice cream it doesn’t really count.  Awesome though.
  11. Mamma’s Delight – Gets the job done, whatever that means.  Decent pizza.  Pretty OK cheese steaks.  Cheapish.  The place to be from 10:30pm to 2:00am.
  12. Spuds – Not big into them.  Takes fifty minutes to get a damn order of fries.  Food is good and all, plus regionally famous (!) but uhh….
  13. Basin Street – Small sample size, but the food was OK.  Nice Happy Hour though and its always easy to just walk in and get food without too much of a hassle.
  14. South Dining Hall – Hi, I would like e.coli on a bun soaked with sweat please?  But its highly convenient.
  15. Airport Diner – Decent food.  Decent prices.  But you are permanently stuck with that feeling that all the townies think you are some Yankee for taking away their dining spot.
  16. Uptown Espresso Bar – Owned by that art student who asks all the questions in a gen ed class.
  17. Mark’s – They sell food I think.  All I remember that the Phi Beta Alpha Natty Light frat is always on that porch next to it.
  18. La Cocina – Never went there but I like the mascot.
  19. Pink Tac-Go – For the frat pledger who thinks its still funny to say they ate some pink taco last night.  RIP Main Street Cafe.

Its kind of pointless to rank Subway in here.  Also I tried to stay on Main Street or nearby so that new frozen yogurt place is sadly not around.  I also think it would be a good idea for some of these folks to encourage Bear Bucks usage.  I still don’t know what Mark’s sells and I’m sure I’m missing out on something half decent here.  I will gladly change my rankings if free food is offered.


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