I’m pretty much dedicating Satirical Thoughts now to burning hot takes and weird self-reflections. At this point, I have nothing else to give but insults and sadness so I’m going to keep this ball rolling.
There’s a lot of awful sitcoms out there, I mean the sitcom is the TV’s answer to the romantic comedy after all. It’s so hard to be “funny” each year and I understand that some shows fade as they grow older.
But some of them are way too popular for their own good, and that’s where I come into play. I’m not actually ranking these because they are all so awful. So I lied to you so you could read this. Here are the worst sitcoms ever, and not the ones that last like five episodes (like that Mulaney show on FOX that definitely will) but the ones to have a fanbase.
Big Bang Theory
Get it, they are nerds and she’s hot! How can a show make it eight seasons off that premise? I know “nerd culture” is in but did they ever explain how a couple PHDs and scientists can afford the same apartment space as a Cheesecake Factory hostess? I’m sure they did but I never really cared enough.
The Big Bang Theory is a show where the laugh track is the only thing that laughs. I guess this is the show for science majors who weren’t patient enough for Breaking Bad. I guess being a 6’3 scientist who only says obscure words and has no abilities to relate to people whatsoever is a better career goal than a meth cook. Oh, there’s a stereotypical Jewish guy in it and someone from India? DIVERSITY. All groups of people can be unfunny!
Holy shit, this was actually popular? Ok, admittedly I watched this show in 5th and 6th grade (I don’t really remember it being on during my young childhood where I assume people my age grew up on it) but then I stopped because I realized it sucked. The only interesting thing about this is that it starred “nice” Bob Saget.
Full House is the worst of the worse. Any show that has an “awww” sequence in it or a “WHOOOO” when a romantic moment happens is immediately worthy of a cancellation. I cringe watching it. It’s like watching a videotape of you from 7th grade. There’s nothing good that comes from out of it. I’m glad no one reads this blog because if this ever went viral I’m sure the leading BuzzFeed article would be “HOW RUDE: Blogger goes on Full House rant”. But no one does.
This one can just go to hell. First off, it gave us Joey which was literally forced to stay on the air even though everyone pretended it didn’t happen. Second, the theme song gets radio play. Third, David Schwimmer was casted on it and fourth, Jennifer Aniston is famous because of this. Has anyone been hired to be not funny, charming, silly or entertaining in everything they do more than Jennifer Aniston? She’s the female Ryan Reynolds.
Oh they are all white singles who just HAPPEN TO BANG EACH OTHER. One’s stupid, one’s hot (?), one’s a compulsive whiner, one has a weird brush with fame, one is literally this is the show. Every episode is “The One With The”. They probably still think that’s clever. Friends sucked. It’s a horrendously dated time capsule into the 90s. It’s the reason why people wanted fucking Surge back. It’s a shitty soda.
I have a boycott on all Zach Braff related things. I blame this show for the word “bromance”. I blame this for Zach Braff thinking he’s some indie-lite version of Tom Hanks. I blame this for ISIS.
I liked this when I was younger. Now that I’m older, I realized this is like a horribly acted out high school drama class production. Even the laugh track gets bored.
Two and a Half Men
The half man was found out to be some weird religious extremist that disavowed the show, the other man pretty much dared to be fired and somehow the worst person in all of this remains to be Jon Cryer. Of all the people to have the show rely on, Jon Cryer was the last one you wanted to see make it. Jon Cryer is the type of guy whose next career move is starring on a show on TVLand before Hot in Cleveland….that’ll be cancelled after one season.
Has this show been cancelled yet? (I know it hasn’t but you ask these questions to brag to the readers that you aren’t up to date on awful things even though you are). It should be cancelled.
The only reason this show is still on the air is because people need 30 minutes to kill until Modern Family comes on. That’s the only excuse. Patricia Heaton deserves zero success. The father is kind of funny though and the Norm MacDonald cameos are really the only things that make this show mildly charming.
Seriously, just look at that fucking face.