I had someone come up to me and suggest a new column about the Philadelphia Flyers. Since I’m a Flyers fan, I naturally ran with this and I really could care less if you don’t care. You can read a post on Harry Potter instead. Oh and welcome the Begollster to Satirical Thoughts and follow us on Facebook and Twitter.
For the bros,
Yeah so here it is. Hockey season is upon us brahs. That’s right, get your damn ass off the couch call Direct TV, get that NHL Center Ice what ever. Or get some donuts for the game on the cable box. Either way, we all know its hockey time. Time foe people to call the Flyers fighters not skaters, Canadians to self-combust cause Ryan Kesler isn’t a Canuck anymore, Rangers fans to say something idiotic (Islanders are irrelevant), and for the Red Wings to have a dramatic comeback. Let the puck drop on a new season, of the greatest sport on Planet Earth.
Quick about me: I grew up in South Jersey and became very attached to the Philadelphia Flyers of course. Few things first, Lindros is my favorite ever other than Giroux (Richards can def suck a d); I really like Berube as the head coach and Hextall as GM. And lastly Crosby is a bitch.
This preseason splurge of nonsense is my strong takes on the upcoming season. These picks are intense, scolding hot, borderline fire. I tell ya, any hotter and and Crosby’s balls would drop. So I hope you are ready for it. Game time is upon us.
- Claude Giroux wins the Hart Trophy.
- Yes I know he stumbled last season in the beginning and fell into that horrific slump, but lets be real for a minute. He had 6 points in the first 12 games. For a player of his status that is bad. In comparison Crosby had 21 points. If Giroux can even get anywhere near 20 in the first month, the trophy is his.
- Berube needs effective lines.
- God help us if your first line can’t get points. At a time last season there was a set of games where the first line scores 0 points. Dude 0. That’s embarrassing. Mix it up, pair Giroux with Simmonds and yes we will score. Damn.
- Sean Couturier. LOLZ. Grow the BEARD.
- My dude step it the hell up. Yes defense is in the game too, but c’mon man you need to play two-way hockey. I think last season brain dead Chris Pronger could have produced more offense than you did. Please, you’re a talented skater lets see it man. Play two-way hockey just like CONWAY.
- Shayne Gostisbehere will be king of the rookies.
- Yes my dude from Union College will be the defensive rookie of the year. The kid can flat out play hockey. He is a Shea Webber esque type of defenseman to be. WATCH OUT. Get on the train now.
- Simmonds will have a break out year.
- We all know that yes this man can skate. He proved it the last two years. This man is set to have a brilliant year. He can score, assist and fight. Give this man credit where credit is due.
- Three Flyers of some value will be traded: (ranked in order of most likely to be gone) Vinny LeCavalier, Jason Akeson, Jake Voracek/Sean Couturier.
- I hate to see any of these guys go, but the Flyers are gearing up to reload. I can see them going after an Evander Kane or even a Tyler Seguin. The ultimate prize would be that stud from Cherry Hill, NJ that plays in Ottawa BOBBY RYAN.
- Steve Coates.
- Simple. You da man.
- Tickets $$$$$$$$
- I’m sorry Flyers corporate. Do you not want me to attend a game? Mezzanine tickets at $49. Are you kidding me? I could get like two Devils tickets for that. The rent is too damn high.
- God I hate you all. You are uneducated in the sport of hockey and I hate your team. And come on St. Louis has been apart of your organization for ONE year. Are you mental? Assistant captain and not Lundquist. You really make me laugh sometimes. BTDUBS, JETER is overrated you’re welcome.
- Last but not least.
- I pray the Flyers have a competitive year this year, and for Pronger to be able to sleep at night.
Ight peeps, that’s it my first blog blog. Just a few concluding thoughts. Please disregard stupidity in my obscene love for the Flyers. It’s a passion just like you got for your team. We all love Hockey not Canada lets be real lol jk. Much love. BEGOLLSTER.
P.S. Column for the year.
“WHY I HATE BARRY MELROSE”
IGHT, Barry is a wunderkind that was given a great team for 2 years and than stopped coaching. Yet your insight is still heavily influenced by the Flyers west, you do bring great arguments to the table; you’re just broadcasted on ESPN unfortunately. They hate hockey therefore make you look foolish brah. Its all-good cause we all have those days. You’ll get over it.