No One Gives A Shit About Your Kim Kardashian Opinion (Except Me Clearly)

13 Nov

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Internet. Broken.

That’s a wrap folks as we saw a naked Kim Kardashian today as PASTE Magazine (real magazine by the way) decided to make her nude and the internet went bonkers.

There are two types of people in this world, and I hate both equally.  In one corner you have the Kardashian Krew (I was going to say “Klan” but I thought better of it) who will ironically (?) praise everything Kardashian does.  You’ll hear abbreviations of two syllable words like “she’s perf” or “she’s gorg” and shit like that.  Unnecessary abbreviations are one of my least favorite things that I never talk about.

We can call them enablers or we can call them trite (I have no idea if that’s the proper form of trite), like they are the people who ironically watch it even though they claim to be against everything commercial.  You’ll hear some half-ass shit like “its just so addicting” or “guilty pleasure!” which is just a tiring excuse to say when you are ashamed of liking something.

Like an hour-long TV show that is just one giant mix of product placement and scripted humor is somehow as addicting as like PCP (is that addicting?).  It also gives a reason for people like Scott Disick, who looks like Chase Utley if he decided to supply roofies to college aged males while selling used cars, a reason to exist.

Then there’s the other side of the page which will get my attention.

“You know, I just DON’T CARE”.

Holy shit that’s a hot and original take.  The heat off your opinion actually insulated half of the East Coast as they sit through a centimeter of snow.  My retinas burned off my eyeballs upon reading that.

Kim Kardashian is a celebrity because people have opinions on her.  Strong ones.  But you know what?  She’s not the first one.  Off the top of my head, here are some similar comparisons:

Jayne Mansfield, Zsa Zsa Gabor, The Situation, Paris Hilton, Glenn Beck, Donald Trump, John Wayne Bobbitt, Joey Buttafucco, Honey Boo Boo, John Rocker, Heidi and Spencer, Colin Cowherd….

These are all people who took an aspect of them and nuked it to death.  Some used sexuality.  Some used overall sleaziness.  Some used douchebaggery.  Some used wealth.  Some used thinly veiled racism.

It’s not a “people are so messed up TODAY”; it’s been a thing ever since human beings existed probably.  It’s like when people complain about Justin Bieber, like he’s the first little douchey pop star to kind of get annoying and then punchworthy.  Being against them or talking about some faux, pearl-clutching outrage because you want to make sure everyone knows how little you care by making a diatribe about how little you care….makes me care.

I know you make these posts that are equivalent to sharing photos that go “99% of people don’t care about orphaned children in the Sahara who only wear Crocs while wearing Ed Hardy clothing, but 1% of you will”.  It’s one giant circlejerk where you say “unpopular opinion” when in fact you are not going out on a limb at all.

Just picture Kim Kardashian as me.  You don’t read me.  I’m powerless.  Then I get desperate for attention and make shit like this.

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