Cheerleader By Omi Might Just Be The Worst Song Ever

7 Jul

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Every summer there is a song that’s so horrible that you can’t avoid it.  Since we are unlikely to be cooped in, we tend to drive to places and have a good time and that means we are exposed to pop radio constantly.  I don’t know if that’s a true theory.

Last year it was Rude, the song by the band you forgot.  This year its Cheerleader by OMI who is like Taio Cruz if you remember who that was.

I would rather castrate a family member than link it to you, but odds are you have heard it so there’s no need for me to pretend to send it to you.  You know this song and while it does sound innocent, and is admittedly catchy, let’s take a look at the lyrics.

When I need motivation
My one solution is my queen
’cause she’ stays strong yeah yeah

Sounds nice enough.  He is looking towards his queen, making him the submissive one in this relationship and I guess she’s a stone cold fox that is used to him groveling towards her.

she is always in my corner
right there when I want her
all these other girls are tempting
but I’m empty when you’re gone

Okay so she has his back all the time, listens to him bitch about probably not getting enough likes on Instagram but this motherfucker is still unsure if he wants to be with her?  He’s easily tempted, we all are, but this jamoke clearly needs her 24/7.  Right now I can only surmise that he goes out on the town and gets denied so he realizes he has someone at home.

and they say
do you need me
do you think I’m pretty
do I make you feel like cheating-
And I’m like no, not really ’cause

:rubs eyes:

What type of person introduces them to someone like this?  “Do you need me in my life?  Am I hot?  Sex?” judging by how the questions are asked he definitely answered “yes” two the first ones but is “nah not really” when she asks to fornicate.

But why is OMI not cheating?

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
she is always right there when I need her
oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
she is always right there when I need her

Chorus.  Jesus.  He’s dating a person who is not quite friendzoned but uh, motivationalspeakerzone?  This is the gonorrhea of musical enterprises because it makes my eyes burn.  It’s almost even kinda sexist, not in the Qualuude riddled Blurred Lines way but just demeaning.  Or is he just wack as fuck?

She walks like a model
she grants my wishes like a genie in a bottle yeah yeah

She’s magical.

’cause I’m the wizard of love

What the fuck does this mean?

And I got the magic wand

His dick.

all these other girls are tempting
but I’m empty when you’re gone
and they say
do you need me?
do you think I’m pretty?
Do I make you feel like cheating..
and I’m like no, not really cause’

Repeat chorus after this.

She gives me love and affection
baby did I mention, you’re the only girl for me

He did not.  Half of this song is him debating other women while complimenting her left and right.  She solves all of his problems, supports him and is probably the breadwinner.  But those other girls ARE tempting with their questions on if he needs them.

no I don’t need a next one
mama loves you too, she thinks I made the right selection

“Son you can put your magical penis away, you really found the right one”

now all that’s left to do
is just for me to pop the question

Then this leads into Rude.

Chorus and fin.

Takes:

  • This song makes Meghan Trainor look like the voice of a generation.
  • It sucks.  No need for heat.
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5 Responses to “Cheerleader By Omi Might Just Be The Worst Song Ever”

  1. Robert August 7, 2015 at 7:48 pm #

    oh my god this is literally the funniest thing I’ve read all summer. *slow clap* hold shit I laughed at every single line that wasn’t a lyric. Thank you for reading our minds.

  2. Kelly October 15, 2015 at 1:30 pm #

    I just had the pleasure of hearing this song for the first time today while on hold…and I couldn’t even wrap my head around it. It’s a new level of terrible in pop music and I didn’t even think that was possible. Thank you for writing this…I was afraid the whole world had fallen deaf and I was ready to shove an ice pick in my ear canals.

  3. DiâäEddîné Rami November 6, 2015 at 5:39 am #

    The worst motherfucking song ever !!

  4. Anonuser December 19, 2015 at 10:19 pm #

    Wow I just heard this song for the first time and I was like wtf?! Could pop music get any worse or is this rock bottom?

  5. Geoff T January 21, 2016 at 8:22 am #

    Thank you so much for writing this, this song may be one of the biggest piles of crap I’ve ever heard in my life. What a load of wank.

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