Attention Wannabe Old Men: Participation Trophies Aren’t Hitler

17 Aug

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Holy shit.

This past weekend, the timelines of all social media accounts were flooded after the thoughts of modern day Socrates/Steelers LBer James Harrison’s on participation trophies.  Namely, he hates them and his kids won’t have him.

This earned the accolades of your social media Neanderthals with Associates Degrees and crusty Ron Paul ’08 bumper stickers as participation trophies are apparently the scourge of modern time and part of the “wussification of America” and “entitlement”.

Now, James Harrison can do whatever he wants and pretend this is some valuable life lesson.  In fact, taking to social media to brag about your parenting is literally the best and most humble thing a person can do to train their children.  It really shows how brave a person he is that he took to Instagram to appeal to your friends who retweet Cloyd Rivers and complains that feminism is the reason why people don’t appreciate their unwarranted sexts.  Appealing to the lowest common denominator of American society is how you get the likes and retweets after all.

I must mention though that James Harrison has worked his ass off throughout his career.  He was cut, put on various practice squads and ending up being a defensive force, MVP and at an age where most linebackers are retiring; he’s still a pass-rush threat.  Good for him.

But this participation trophy debate is literally one of the worst things that we do.  Here’s a little fact.  Children know when they win and when they lose.  They know who the champions were and the fake little plastic trophy is more of a “thanks for giving us money to allow your children to lose” than a “you are so great!”.  It is basically something that your child will forget about as opposed to ruining their lives.  Odds are you are the reason your child is a pain in the ass, not a trophy made by a part-time Home Depot associate as a sidejob.

However, let’s talk about how fucking ridiculous this argument is.  Let’s just play along.  Most of the people who praise this was born after the year 1970 except Grandma Gladys who shares memes about Obama wanting to kill white people.  Here’s how YOU are entitled.

  • When you were 19, you didn’t get drafted to serve in the military and fight in wars.  Therefore you are a spoiled child who was entitled to not realize sacrifice.
  • Back in your day, you weren’t 6 years old and working for a dime a day in a coal mine to feed your family.
  • You weren’t beaten when you tried to vote.
  • You can actually get married to whomever you want, providing they are a consenting adult.
  • Back in your day, you are like…ten years older than us!

This generation shit is the dumbest thing to come out of your friends mouths since Trump announced his candidacy.  It’s regurgitated by Gen X’ers who want to seem like they are so much wiser and millenials whose parents drank during their pregnancies.  You are not wise, nor intelligent for thinking James Harrison is the best parent in America.

You know what’s worse?  Genocide. Fight me.


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