The Following Things Aren’t Ruining America

22 Apr

Follow me on the Tuh-witter @TheJoekes

The one thing about social media that’s amazing is that everyone can have an opinion.  I know we hate all of them, and they are all wrong except ours, but it is still unbelievable that we have this chance.

Thankfully everyone is terrible though there seems to be this common ground that all of the most inept people have.

“Why is everyone so offended nowadays?”

Holy shit that’s like the rallying cry for the noncreative shills who wonder why they are perpetually in something called “the friendzone”.  Yeah its totally not their fault in the slightest.  But nonetheless this notion that America is suddenly “wussified”, “pussified” or “soft” is a popular meme for people who wear Nike Kaishis as a Crossfit shoe.  It’s one thing to be over 50 and think those things, because I’d be mad too if I were that age, but to be 25?  With what, seven years of being an adult under your belt?  Yeah, fucking toot that horn.

Anyway, here’s a little rundown of things that are not ruining America or society in general.  You can stop pretending to be “NOTHING CAN OFFEND ME BECAUSE I HAVE THREE LIKES ON THIS STATUS” and delete your account after reading this piece.

Bernie Sanders

  • Yeah, he’s the preferred candidate of people who thought American Idiot was a profound work of political rebellion.  Yeah he’s got some great ideas as well, and yes his fans are the most annoying thing on social media.  But his candidacy is not ruining this country.  He’s bringing up some decent issues, he still is unelectable and 90% of his voters will eventually vote for Hillary.  Relax fellow Democrats, and enjoy the discussion on topics that never get brought up.
  • On the flipside, no not everyone wants free shit.  This has nothing to do with that and of all people, you should probably want to break up big business to a degree because those Carharrt jeans will only get more expensive as your hourly wage stagnates and you pack on more bills as you age.  Not saying you should Feel The Bern but I’m saying you should probably do more than just get your political beliefs from memes.

Participation Trophies

  • Kids know they lost.  Chill man.  I know you guys weren’t working the coal mines at their age.
  • Kids are soft because they are kids.  Guess what?  Adults get something for doing little work as well and that’s a paycheck.

Civil Rights

  • Yes, racial/homophobic/sexist/transphobic slurs are bad.  Shaming people for using them doesn’t make us “PC”  but actually correct.  Stop using the military, who deserve better, as a rationale on why racism doesn’t exist.
  • That’s a common theme I see.  Someone hates that a previous discriminated demographic earns some type of positive news and then goes “why are we celebrating them but not (insert troop)?”.  Yes, we should talk about veterans, but we can be happy about numerous things can’t we?  Why are you so offended by progress?

The Kardashians

  • Fun fact, if you are sick of hearing about them on the news, you aren’t watching the news.

Auto Tune Music

  • Why does music have to be just some old white dude jamming on an acoustic guitar and growling?  Look EDM is trash music man, but people lost their shit when people used electric guitars.  People lost their shit when rap began and still hate it, cause their hero was Elvis and John Wayne.

Smart Phones

  • Conversations suck and so do the outdoors.  Stop pretending you enjoy either of those things.  I hate when I go to a restaurant and see “pretend its 1993 and talk to each other!”.  We aren’t neanderthals, we can check the news and also talk about our day simultaneously!  Also, 1993 sucked we all wore flannels and encouraged things like Korn a few years later.
  • The outdoors are trash too.  That’s why we invented air conditioning, so we didn’t get exposed to mosquitos, cold weather, skin cancer and pedophiles.  Fact.



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