None Of You Know Shit About Politics

10 Jun

There’s a website called Twitter, and I have an account in which you can follow me @TheJoekes 

Holy shit, everyone is stupid and we should just root for a Trump Presidency on the sole basis that he gets us into a nuclear war after the Algerian Prime Minister makes fun of his dick.  We deserve it.  Honestly, I’m genuinely of the belief that if we get Donald Trump as the Commander-in-Chief society earned the right to collapse upon itself.

Why?  Not because you voted for him because OH MY GOD ALL OF YOU ARE EQUALLY WRONG.  I earnestly cannot handle it anymore because all of your, my friends, have driven me to the point where I think my obituary will just read as “Thank God”.

There is no conspiracy against the candidate you are hoping gets the Oval Office.  Hillary Clinton has the transparency of a brick wall.  She’s been in the public eye for like thirty years.  She has been the establishment choice since 2004.  Of course the primary/caucus system which is a two-year beauty contest followed by five long months of voting is DESIGNED for the best funded and most legitimate contender to win.  This is nothing new.  Also, she’s not tweeting.  You know this.

Bernie Sanders didn’t lose because of some vast conspiracy.  If you think Middle America is going to go out of their way to fucking elect a 75-year old Socialist who doesn’t know dick about foreign policy, then you probably should go back to not paying attention.  Yeah, the primary system needs tweaking and the big banks need to be targeted.  Of course he’s leading the polls!  No one gives a shit about him besides your friends who are shocked that other people who aren’t 20-25 year olds who do Crossfit vote.  All of my friends went to Kutztown University, how come more people heard of Harvard?

Then there’s Donald Trump who honestly doesn’t say shit.  You are voting for a game of madlibs and adjectives.  He only appeals to mouthbreathing anti-participation trophy fucks who only have the opinion “oh well, what about the troops?”.  This guy is conning you so badly but if you guys would’ve known that, you wouldn’t be fucking voting for him.  You honestly are picking the fake billionaire that inherited wealth and just talks!

How can you call Bernie unrealistic when this motherfucker is talking about bringing back jobs and putting a force field around our borders!  How can you call Hillary crooked when Trump has basically tried to buy every politician he could and has had to shut down like….half his businesses because they sucked.  He’s a television personality with the gravitas of a fried Oreo and the policy ideas of a guy who lived in a boxcar in the 1940s.  How can you shit on Jeb Bush for being a career politician when this asswipe has threatened to run for President since 1988?

Oh and we will never elect a fucking third party to the Presidency nor will one debate unless they are a multi-trillionaire.  Gary Johnson is polling well because again, no one knows who the fuck he is, and once we get down to November he’ll be back to polling at 3% only to drop to 1%.  Stop perpetuating a third party.  If you think the two party system is broken, A THIRD ONE WON’T MAKE THINGS BETTER.  If you really want to change things, research your local candidates.  It shouldn’t be this tough but then again, I am talking to no one.

None of you, including me, knows shit.  Just because this is the first few months you’ve paid attention doesn’t make you fucking right.  Just because you have been following this for years doesn’t validate your goddamn opinion.  We are all wrong.  We all suck.  We all deserve to basically eat our own shit.




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