From New Jersey: Fuck Chris Christie

12 Jul

There’s a website called Twitter, and I have an account in which you can follow me @TheJoekes 

Massive North Jersey stereotype Chris Christie, last nationally seen thinking “I’ve made a huge mistake”, might actually be the nominee for Vice President of a major political party.  This is hilarious in itself because Christie is one of few high-caliber Republicans who has no choice but to embrace the tangerine hemorrhoid but also, the fact that Chris Christie is a repulsive egomaniac (well, a politician) who has pretty much pissed off every person in New Jersey.

That’s not a lie.  Between his bungling of federal grants, his continued fucking over of Atlantic City, and his tiring rants to continue his cringeworthy schtick of “telling it like it is”; Christie has pretty much zero allies in a state that essentially gifted him his re-election.

Every politician has enemies because that’s the nature of the job.  You can’t just hate someone because, you know, tough choices do have to be made.  I get that and we all should realize there’s no perfect solution.

That being said, Christie has fucked over New Jersey taxpayers time and time again.  This isn’t just “oh, he might’ve used a helicopter” which is like….0.01% of my tax money…but full-fledged taking money from citizens.

Let’s just look at his enemies.


Pretty much since he took his oath of office, Chris Christie has been at war with teachers unions.  He has said the unions needed a political “punch in the face”, that they needed to be eliminated, had proposed a deeply unpopular “pension reform” and has even took to quarreling on the Boardwalk with pro-teacher hecklers.  That last example is just there because its one of my favorite YouTube videos.

A lot of people do have some iffy beliefs on teachers’ unions.  I’m not here to tell you why, but to just say that if you are a New Jersey teacher; there is very little chance you are supporting a governor who believes all those things.

Not just teachers though.


One of the main reasons for Chris Christie’s appeal is his tough on crime motif that touts his experience as a former prosecutor.  But if you are a member of the New Jersey police force, you might be pretty pissed at this fuckstick.

  • After cutting education reform amongst others in a state-budget cut, Christie essentially authorized the firing of 4,000 police officers.
  • Has essentially stripped low income cities of any semblance of a police force.  Yeah, cutting education AND law enforcement is a great combination.
  • Had a war of words with the head of a police union over proposed pension plans.
  • If you don’t believe me, feel free to read this op-ed by a State Trooper.

What About Everyone Else?

Telling It Like It Is

….that’s Chris Christie’s motto.  It’s a schtick, much like an insult comic egging the audience.  But Chris Christie has proven himself to be something else.

Nobody.  You know the fringe acquaintance you have that makes multiple Facebook statuses a day that get two likes?  The one who says they are single because “they are nice” and “people nowadays don’t appreciate that”.  The one who says they don’t get along with people because “well I don’t hold back!  I just tell it like it is!” even though they have the tact of a horny orangutan?

That’s Chris Christie.  He picks fights because it looks good publicly.  Everyone hates institutions!  “Why don’t we just have a guy who fights for me and not them!” says the guy who buys Copenhagen and wears work boots 24/7 (while unemployed).  That guy loves seeing a Governor yell at people without doing shit because it LOOKS like he’s doing something!

Partially that explains the phenomenon of Donald Trump whose lack of censor and overcompensation has been praised by those upset about female Ghostbusters.  However, Trump made Christie look like a fucking choir boy.  I’ve never seen a person’s takes so castrated, and minus making fun of Marco Rubio (a failed Pokemon Go server who came to life), Christie looked like a pathetic absentee Governor who was short on everything and paled in comparison.

Telling it like it is can be a good quality.  Really, sometimes people need to be honest.  But when there’s nothing to say, you look like a guy who is desperately clinging on to the one person who can possibly make him relevant again before he lives a life of anonymity as a C-list speaker at AdvoCare seminars.



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