Madison Holleran & Dr. V: I Can Relate But So Should We

This past weekend, two big (and ultimately tragic) stories came to my attention.  Both of them hit way too close to home to me in entirely different ways.

First is the tragic story of UPenn student Madison Holleran who committed suicide apparently over the stress of her workload as a student-athlete.  This story has been getting a lot of attention in my newsfeed and timelines because of its locality (I’m from the Philly suburbs and I live in the Philadelphia media market even in Kutztown) and also the fact that Holleran was a track athlete like so many of my friends are.  The story is tragic, sad and worthy of reflection.

The second story is the tale of Dr. Essay Anne Vanderbilit, the alleged physicist and person who claimed to have invented the putter to revolutionize the golf industry.  A piece on Vanderbilt in Grantland (a subsection of ESPN.com) dominated the social media world this weekend as the author started to unravel the life of Vanderbilt and found out she wasn’t a physicist, didn’t have a degree from MIT, was never in the military, was trans and already had a suicide attempt previously.  The story went from initial praise to deep disgust and even though Vanderbilt was a con; was there a need for the author to salaciously tell all of her colleagues that she was born male?  The piece ends with the revelation that Vanderbilt committed suicide after the author’s investigation.

Both stories have the same end but in different ways, I could connect to both of them.  Madison Holleran could’ve very well been someone I knew in a literal or figurative sense.  We hail from the same state, did the same track events and there’s been times UPenn has been at meets we were at.  But also; as a college student who participated in collegiate athletics, I could’ve known someone like her.  I remember clearly a few times in which I was worried about the health of teammates and fellow students.

I remember even worrying about myself a few times my sophomore year; not because of suicidal thoughts necessarily but simply because I was struggling all over (athletically and academically) that it was affecting my social life as well as my emotions.  Every college student has gone through this at various times but when things are so stressful that you feel that you are reaching a breaking point; all it takes is another tip of the iceberg it seems.

I have to say I have been frustrated with people saying things such as “life is too short” or giving Holleran posthumous advice on how to deal with things.  I despise when people first immediately point out the selfishness of suicide instead of looking at themselves.  Or ourselves.  Mental health in this world is still seen as a “made-up” disease in some people’s eyes.  Part of the reason why I assume people have breakdowns is because there’s such a stigma of depression, bipolar disorder and/or other mental diseases that the minute you find out you are diagnosed with one of them you are defined only by that.  People with depression can be the happiest people on Earth, the life of the party and not necessarily that moody kid in the corner.  On the flipside that quiet kid may perfectly well be fine and happy with their life, as well as being naturally introverted.

I always hear the phrase “this should start a debate” when something happens.  Something this tragic isn’t worthy of debate.  Its a time for mourning and also personal reflection.  Maybe we are part of the problem.  I can relate so much to Madison Holleran that I almost feel like I knew her someway.  You did too.  There’s no “debate” here.  We know that mental illness is a real thing that deserves close examination.  We should also be aware that mental illnesses, like physical ones, can be treated.

When someone overcomes a physical illness, they are celebrated and for damn good reason.  When someone checks in for depression, horrific hearsay and conjecture is brought up.  They are immediately treated with kid gloves or cast aside as someone who couldn’t handle pressure or some other ridiculous stereotype.

Which brings me to Dr. Essay Anne Vanderbilt’s story which should be required reading for all of you.  The story is a well-written narrative over a fascinating individual who clearly was troubled.  The story itself isn’t the problem necessarily but the fact that the person was transgendered seem to become the main part of the story.  As a journalist, I guess you are required to report whatever is prudent and the fact that Dr. V was so conniving and misleading had to deal with the story.  However, Dr. V clearly did not want to be outed.  She kept that part of her life a secret from everyone else and the fact was, it didn’t change her schtick.  Her thing was the fact that she was a physicist launching a product that was supposed to be scientifically sound.  Her gender and sexual identity had nothing to do with her gimmick.  So what did the author get by telling everyone that came into professional contact with her that she was born male?

What purpose did that benefit?

Again we have to look at ourselves here.  The LGBT community has made large strides over the past decade and continue to do so.  But people seem to neglect the “T” way too easily and “trans” still seems to equally either comedy or taboo.  Also our society has way too much of an obsession with outing in general.  A person’s coming out should be intrinsic and they have the right to forfeit that personal journey to being known to the public.

Why is it our business to look at mental health and outing in the same light?  We should, as a society, offer our support; not our laughs or judgments.  We may learn more about Madison Holleran but we will never know it all.  We will never know what was going on through her head and for us to assume otherwise is ridiculous.  She is a person that is gone way too soon.  She is someone who will be missed.

Dr. V is a bit more complex but her suicide still resonates with me regardless of her scam.  We should look at how we view the trans community, with open arms not with tut-tutting or “ew”.

Maybe we will get to a better place one day.

RIP Madison Holleran.  RIP Dr. V.

Hall of Fames Are Bullshit

I love sports and I love music.  Two things that are different yet similar in many ways.  Okay, scratch that they are similar in one way and that’s the whole “Hall of Fame” argument.

I swear nothing is worse than the Baseball Hall of Fame and I pride myself as a baseball enthusiast who loves the history of the sport and equating the present to the past.  I love sabermetric stats even though my highest grade in Math was a C- which I had to work my ass off to get to.  It all intrigues me oh-so-much to know that Ryan Howard can’t hit a lefty slider and here’s a stat to prove it.  Its probably the same way people feel when a new Crossfit DVD comes out.

But there is nothing more haughty, sanctimonious, patronizing and eye-rolling as anyone who prides themselves as a Hall of Fame voter in any discipline.  Especially if that writer is a baseball one.

Jayson Stark of ESPN seems to be a pretty cool dude.  He’s a local guy (PHILLY :hocks loogie on effigy of J.D. Drew dressed as a Department Store Santa: :SportsCenter devotes 50 minute special on it:) and he’s probably one of the more famous Philly-born sportswriters around nowadays which will piss off any baby-boomer who swears that every small-town newspaper journalist exclusively wrote Pulitzer-Prize winning vignettes.  Honestly, I have no problem with Stark at all.

But check out his latest piece on voting for the Hall of Fame.

As I stared at my Hall of Fame ballot last week, just before I sealed the envelope and headed for the post office, I was struck — and saddened — by this thought:

The Hall of Fame is broken.

Broken.

This is where it begins.  The Hall of Fame isn’t “broken”.  Its a glorified South of the Border-esque tourist trap in rural New York that sportswriters turn into Mecca.  Grown men who have actually accomplished decent journalistic things all turn into imaginary apostles that believe they are determining the difference between heaven, hell or a lifetime in purgatory.  Only heaven is a shrine in a museum, hell is not being in it and purgatory is 1,000-word op-eds on why they should go to heaven or hell for the next fifteen years and beyond.

But beyond Maddux, there’s no reason to feel confident about the fate of any of those men. Just take one look at the list of luminaries who weren’t elected last year. That will tell you all you need to know about how confused voters seem to be these days about what a Hall of Famer is supposed to look like.

Its a tremendous honor when you are chosen as one of the best ever to play the game; I get that.  Its an awesome occasion and really a testament to someone’s talent, work ethic and good fortune.  But “confused voters”, stop with all that steroid innuendo.  Say the damn word “steroids” or “performance-enhancing” and make the decision if it really helped them.  Its not that tough.  If you are not sure that someone used or not; then how about you assume everyone else did and pick the ones who were the best.  Its a MUSEUM.  You can revoke things, place asterisks, do whatever you want.  Its a shrine to a bunch of dudes who played a game while womanizing, gambling, drinking excessively, cheating and yes; “playing the game”.

I’ve been a Hall of Fame voter for 25 years now. For most of those years, I looked at that as a privilege, as an exhilarating and enlightening experience, as an opportunity to plunge into an energizing debate about where the greatest players of modern times fit into the fabric of baseball history.

Anybody out there still remember that debate? Yeah, I thought so. Good times.

Yes, once, Hall of Fame time really did involve an actual baseball conversation. Then it became a PED conversation. And now, it’s just a flat-out train wreck.

Oh great, baby-boomer recollections of the time that was.  Oh yeah, BACK IN MY DAY; we talked about real things.  Now, its all this mamby-pamby steroid nonsense that tarnished a great game.  Yeah like baseball NEVER had any scandals before and that baseball was the virginal choir boy who suddenly discovered LSD and Phish.  “How do I feel about this?”.

I’m not going to further quote Stark’s piece (which continues to his ballot) because its inane.  These men think they hold the most powerful positions in the country.  The Hall of Fame is a fun exercise and its fun to debate the greatness of anything and anyone.

But it goes to my point that Hall of Fames are bullshit.  Especially given the girth of awards people have nowadays.  Every single sports team has some “Wall of Fame” or “Hall of Fame”, every sport does, I think every state has one, every college does, every high school does; really a Hall of Fame is just some tribute to the past.  That’s all it is.

Steroids are bad.  Just like cocaine, womanizing, racism, domestic abuse, murders, amphetamines, bootlegging or whatever character clause you want to point out.  I get it too, steroids COULD improve your performance and those other crimes are just crimes.  But we are stuck with what we have, steroids existed and continue to do so (and began long before the 90s so odds are some of your favorite old-timey players used them) so all we have to do is pick who was the best of that inflated era.

Who profits off the Hall of Fame?  Not the players, but its the journalists who get to write 5,000-word pieces on how late they stayed up like picking 10 guys every year is equivalent to enlisting in the military or taking the SATs.  Its not.  Something is either great or it’s not.  Deep Purple isn’t in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, neither is Yes, but other bands are.  What’s “great”?

Except for the voters and the individuals themselves, there’s no benefit to a Hall of Fame.  Buy little Jimmy a book and a Louisville Slugger instead of taking him out to a museum in which his ADD-inflicted mind cares way more about Fun Dip than a plaque of Bill Mazeroski.  Don’t hike the family up to Cooperstown, instead buy DVDs of great moments and have at it.

Your memories don’t need to be justified by a panel of writers.  Chase Utley probably won’t make the Hall of Fame but dammit, he’s my favorite athlete to watch.  Roy Halladay will probably be enshrined as a Blue Jay, but I’ll always remember the no-hitter and the perfect game.  I don’t need Jayson Stark agonizing over a ballot to tell me it was great or not.

Don’t fall for it.

Anonymous Scouting Report: White Linebacker

Tonight’s installment is brought to you by Jamil Larkins, a writer for StraightFresh.Net and you can follow him on Twitter @Jamil_SF.

Name:  Chad White

Position:  Middle Linebacker

College:  Pennsylvania State University

Height:  5’11, 235 Pounds

Positives: 

Reminds me of a Spike Hammersmith mixed with Ivan Drago. Instinctual. Great hips.  – Mike Mayock

This guy is a tackling machine. When you talk about a throwback player, a guy that laces his cleats up one foot at a time and runs around the field and makes plays, this guy is at the top of that conversation. – Mel Kiper, Jr.

Now lemme tell you something. This guy might not be the best athalete in the country, but he possesses the inequivocal skill and grace to lead his teammates through actions. Watch how what he do on the field translates into efficacious and boombastic emotion in the locker room. The loudest one in the room, is the weakest one in the room. Glory be to god. – Ray Lewis

Wears his pants around his navel and shows up on time for team meetings. And you people wonder why he’s gonna be a top 5 pick. – Don Lemon

WHITE AND TOUGH AS NAILS. I LIKE HIM. Nicknamed him Tackleback cuz he tackles backs. – Jon Gruden

 

Negatives:

Under-sized. Great upside.  – Todd McShay

He’s definitely not the biggest guy on the field, but he can break through the line like Ross broke out of the friend zone with Rachel. – Rick Reilly

Sometimes on the football field, the sun shines so bright that you gotta take a few plays to yourself. Hard as hell to catch that damn ball when you can’t see past your own hands. Wish I had one of the fancy visors that the youngbloods wear today. Can you repeat the question? – Michael Irvin

Not as fast as his black counterparts in this draft class. Instead of being covered in gang tattoos and wearing Jordan cleats, this guys wears his heart and team colors on his sleeve.  – Colin Cowherd.

 

Other Tidbits:

7.0 GPA and graduated in 3 years with a bachelor of science in Finance ….3 time Academic All-American….President of university Autism Speaks chapter….Nominee for the Bednarik Award….Once lifted a 2-ton boulder to save a child trapped in the Appalachian Mountains

Why This Is Bull:

The funny thing about this series is that though it’s a spoof, a lot of this is actually true. There have been countless amounts of white linebackers, especially from PSU, who fit the description of a hard-nosed ‘throwback’ guy. Brian Urlacher, Zach Thomas, Paul Posluszny, Dan Connor, Sean Lee, etc. You know, the guys with missing teeth, playing with a bloody cranium like Tyler Hansbrough (correct, who is also white), or break their finger off during the game and play down a digit.

In the changing times of the NFL, less-emphasis is being put on finding that “rock” of the defense at the middle linebacker position, so white guys who can’t run are being phased out of defenses everywhere. Unless you can cover the tight-end and blitz with the best of them, you can’t sneak by being slow, undersized, and having a high “football IQ” anymore. Luke Kuechly and Brian Cushing are the new breed of white defensive players, matching the skill set of guys like Demarcus Ware, Aldon Smith, Von Miller, Brian Orakpo and more. Catch up.

Anonymous Scouting Report: Black Quarterback

Name:  DeMarcus Thompkins

Position:  Quarterback

College:  California (PA) University of Pennsylvania

Height:  6’1, 205 Pounds

Positives:  

Game-changing speed.  – Todd McShay

Reminiscent of a young Randall Cunningham mixed with pre-dogfighting Michael Vick.  – Mike Mayock

Could revolutionize the Quarterback position as we know it today.  Thompkins has lightning speed, can really throw it deep and can burn you with a read-option.  He’s not the most cerebral prospect in college football today, but boy is he an athlete. – Mel Kiper, Jr.

Have you seen this guy on the field?  He lit up small school competition and looked like a man playing amongst boys. – Stephen A. Smith

Thompkins went to a small-school after rejecting numerous scholarships from Pac-12 and SEC teams.  Actually he transferred from University of Maryland, but according to TMQ that means he’s a weasel player who is only looking to better himself.  I’m actually conflicted how I feel about him as I had to pay my way through college and Thompkins probably got a taxpayer handout.  Great speed though, will it adapt?  – Gregg Easterbrook

Negatives:

Character concerns, transferred from Maryland likely due to conflicts with coaching staff and his mouth which can be a huge concern.  – Bill Polian.

Comparing DeMarcus Thompkins to Drew Brees is like comparing Benson to Breaking Bad. – Rick Reilly

Gets disgruntled if he doesn’t have success which really rubs off scouts the wrong way.  When the defense gives up a TD, you never of course see him taking blame which proves that he can be selfish.  No way he plays in Massachusetts.  – Bill Simmons

Will he adapt to the pro game?  Probably not.  Ridiculously undersized and he should probably change positions since he looks like a kick returner/wide receiver/change-of-pack running back.  – Bill Cowher.

Is a fan of LOL Rocky or whatever his name is.  Kids like this ruin the sanctity of our game, our country and our neighborhoods.  – Colin Cowherd.

BLACK.  Reminds me of Shaun King who I benched for Brad Johnson who won a Super Bowl.  – Jon Gruden

Why does the media keep salivating over prospects like this?  Reminds me of RG III, Michael Vick, Randall Cunningham, Colin Kaepernick, Kordell Stewart, Vince Young and Rev from Remember the Titans.  Can’t put my finger on it though.  – Rush Limbaugh.

Other Tidbits:

Transferred from Maryland to Cal (PA) to care for his ailing grandmother….4.0 GPA and graduated in three years in environmental engineering and went back for his Masters which he should get within the next year….Rhodes Scholar nominee….Ran for a school record of 1,500 yards in a single season and threw for 28 TDs vs. 5 INTs for the Vulcans….Nominee for the Manning Award.

Why This Is Bull:

Of course this is an exaggeration but this turns into a societal issue as well.  Jimmy Clausen is a well-known tool (well, I mean he looks the part!) and it was talked about a bit.  However, the buzz words surrounding him was more “entitlement” as opposed to talking about legitimate character concerns.  Look at all the grief McNabb, Newton and RG III get when they “speak their minds” as opposed to Tom Brady who yells at his WRs and gets called “passionate”.

The reason the QB position hasn’t been revolutionized is not just because the NFL catches up and adapts to various playing styles but also because idiotic GMs and head coaches get greedy when something keeps working.  Plenty of “lightning quick” QBs get hurt not just because of them running the ball but due to the insistence of not changing the offense.  RG III is literally being thrown to the wolves as he continues to recover and McNabb played through all the injuries that Ben Roethlisberger has had.  Yet the stereotypes prevail.

God, Rick Reilly Sucks: The Andrew Luck Knows Multi Syllable Words Edition

Most sportswriters are kind of hacks.  They all have the same tired cliches, stale jokes and this overall belief that sports are this majestic, blue collar, American Dream that is pure as apple pie….only to get ruined by the steroids they turned a blind eye to.

But no one is worse than Rick Reilly.  I know similar takedown features of Gregg Easterbrook (my favorite thing on the internet) and Peter King exist but Rick Reilly is in a class of his own.  Rick Reilly is the hybrid version of every BuzzFeed “list” article, a rejected Seinfeld plot and Family Guy cutaway gags.  He’s insufferable, the kind of guy that thinks he is part masterful writer while not getting too big for his britches and making sure you get that King of Queens reference.

So I decided, I can’t take it.  Rick Reilly needs to be hated.  He needs to end up resurfacing as a writer for BuzzFeed or ThoughtCatalog or whatever the kids are sharing these days.  If I were more angry, he’d go to Tumblr or Bleacher Report.  But I’m not a sadist.

In this week’s “Life of Reilly”, Reilly writes about Andrew Luck and how he combines “intellect and scrappiness”; I already want to stop before we get to the actual story but I must because 40 of you read this and I have no class tomorrow.  Let’s begin.

Bet me. No QB in the NFL is more accurate, goes deeper or is more effective than the Colts’ Andrew Luck.

And that’s just his vocabulary.

Oh you thought I was just talking about sports?  Hahaha, I’m more than just that.

Wednesday, for instance, in a single half hour, he got in “vociferous” (re: loudmouth, loud-playing Seattle cornerback Richard Sherman, who brings undefeated Seattle to Indy Sunday), “cognizant” (was he aware of big moments as he’s making them? no, he wasn’t), and “implemented” (he was glad to see some more running plays being “implemented” into the Colts’ game plan.)

A 3.48 GPA at Stanford in environmental engineering will do that to a person.

Yes, that Stanford engineering program taught him about the word “implemented”.  I never learned that word in middle school or anything.  Trust me on this, you’ll never hear Andrew Luck “AXING” a question.  He went to Stanford after all!  Imagine if Ryan Fitzpatrick of Harvard was a franchise QB.  I think Reilly would “ejaculate”.  Oh yeah, Richard Sherman also went to Stanford.

You’d need a thesaurus to describe Luck this season, one in which he has pulled ahead of Second-Year Sensations Robert Griffin III (Washington), Russell Wilson (Seattle) and Colin Kaepernick (San Francisco) the way a locomotive pulls away from uncoupled cars.

Well obviously.  RGIII went to Baylor and graduated in three and a half years because he was probably too focused on loudmouth Richard Sherman.  Russell Wilson transferred from NC State to Wisconsin, which means he won’t focus on his vocabulary and deep ball, while Colin Kaepernick majored in tattoos.  Also I can describe Andrew Luck as a still “game manager” who continues to improve but still lacks an offensive line and running game.  He’ll be amazing soon enough but its fairly easy to describe the guy.

RG III has been tentative and apprehensive. Wilson is undefeated, true, but his numbers have been anemic. Since Week 2, Kaepernick has looked dispassionate and feckless.

Yeah RG III is tentative, must’ve been that rushing back from torn ACL thing.  Probably should’ve spent more time rehabbing as opposed to graduating.  I like how he completely tosses away Wilson being undefeated (until losing to Luck’s Colts obviously) while he had only one less INT and two big-time wins.  

ameliorated. His completion percentage is up almost 10 points over his rookie year. He has had only two interceptions in four games. (Last season, he had five through the fourth game.) He’s running better and more daringly than last season (almost twice as many yards per carry as last season). He has already won a game from behind (Oakland) and already won a signature game at San Francisco (that’s 14 W’s in his first 20 starts, tying the record for No. 1 draft choices set by another Stanford kid, John Elway.)

Ohhh Rick stop using those million dollar words around me!  You are just like that Luck kid.  Keep in mind Luck’s completion percentage was 54% and now Luck has just joined the NFL average in completion percentage.  I love Luck as a Colts fan but are we going to ignore that with the exception of his game manager performance against San Fran that he has faced anyone solid until Seattle?  (Remember this is about a two week old article).  But oh man, he reminds me of another kid from Stanford; and it sure as hell ain’t Trent Edwards!

.. surpassing. Luck is third in ESPN’s QBR. Where are the rest of the Second-Year Sensations? Way, way further back. Kaepernick is 13th, Wilson 17th, RG III 30th. And that’s to be expected. You’re supposed to have a sophomore slump. (See: Bradford, Sam.) Defensive coordinators have had an entire offseason to come up with a vaccine for you. That’s what’s confounding about Luck. In a season when he was supposed to get a little worse, like everybody else, he has only gotten a lot better.

Whoa, surpassing?  That’s a pretty big word for someone who didn’t take environmental engineering at Stanford.  Reilly does a great job shilling about ESPN’s created stat but Kaepernick who has been “feckless” and “dispassionate” is in the top-half of the field even with two disappointing games at the time (Indy and Seattle) in a short sample size (this was FOUR games into the season).  Also, uh Sam Bradford’s rookie season saw him throw 18 TDs vs. 15 INTs so its not like he had a Cam Newton esque season before everyone realized he was terrible.  Then Reilly talks about “a vaccine” which after four games, apparently Luck is immune to it.  You know four games against the Jaguars, Dolphins, Niners and Raiders.  Murderer’s Row right there.  Also its funny what another year of NFL starting experience, slightly more developed passing weapons and a slightly more competent run game can do for a young QB.  ASTOUNDING.

… intractable. His teammates keep telling him to get down on runs, to slide, to head for the safety of the sideline, but he is as stubborn as a boulder. Players around the league report that Hard Luck seems to actually enjoy an organ-shifting hit. Even compliments defenders on a good hit occasionally.

Reilly is great at citing sources.

No, no, it’s not good any time. Yet he seems addicted to it. One game, he went on one of his intrepid slashes through the defense, got the first down, then kept going. Whereupon, he got rocked.

On the field, veteran receiver Reggie Wayne immediately took Luck aside and said, ‘Dang, you got to get down! When you made the first down, you won. You won. Get down and live to win another battle!”

And what did Luck say back to him?

“I said what I always say to him, ‘Yes, Mr. Wayne. Good point, Mr. Wayne.'”

“I bet loudmouth Richard Sherman and anemic Russell Wilson would never call a guy twelve years older than them “Mr.”; that Luck kid probably calls me “sir” and I tell him, “no my father is sir!”.

Luck will wind up being the gold standard of the doozy QB draft class of 2012, but only if he stops polishing his Roger Staubach impression.

It drives Hasselbeck crazy. “I told him, ‘Would you please protect yourself? Because I didn’t get any reps this week. And I don’t want to look bad out there.'”

That’s the baffling thing about this son of two law school graduates. Luck’s the oddest combination of lobes and lats. He’s both brains and brawn. He doesn’t just crack the safe, he then picks it up and carries it out of the bank.

That last sentence is the reason why Rick Reilly is terrible.  Ugh, yes its hard to believe a guy whose father played in the NFL is an NFL QB plays the position “scrappily” and acts like a young QB.  

But I’ll bet you a Porsche to a Porsche hubcap that he’s the MVP before any of the others.

How’s that for chutzpah?

Oh you BEAST.  Picking the guy who is best groomed for success, who was the #1 overall pick, who was considered the no-brainer #1 pick from two years before he was drafted as a future MVP?  Over RG III’s torn ACL, Wilson’s game manager imitation and Kaepernick’s still developing body of work?  You must be a GAMBLER RICK REILLY.

Anonymous Scouting Report: Black Wide Receiver

So last night, after probably years of talking about it I posted up a spoof scouting report on a generic white QB prospect.  The simple fact of the matter is that hired pundits and scouts basically revert to same buzzwords when it comes to players.  Since there is a very little chance that these guys have actually broken down game film of all of these prospects (from Alabama to Akron to Slippery Rock); it seems only natural that you hear the same thing many times from different sources.  Except Colin Cowherd because he probably thinks Ricky Baker was going to end up like Booby Miles.

Well it turned out to be pretty popular but I couldn’t keep doing it and my good friend Jamil decided to add in his own scouting report of a black WR.  Jamil writes for StraightFresh.Net and you can follow him on Twitter @Jamil_SF.  To read my report on a white QB, peep this out.  

Name:  Cornell Green

Position:  Wide Receiver

College:  Louisiana State University

Height:  6’3, 215 Pounds

Positives: 

This kid is unique. When you talk about a wide receiver with blazing speed and great athletic ability, well you talk about almost everyone in the NFL, but this guy is definitely in that conversation too. – Mel Kiper, Jr.

Dynamic athlete. – Todd McShay

He’ll play the Arnold to your team’s Phillip Drummond in the passing game. – Rick Reilly

He catch with his hands, just like he should. Just like I would. Ask Keyshawn. – Cris Carter

He does the one thing that I like the most: run fast and jump high. Go get that ball, BOY! – Jon Gruden

Negatives:

He’s got a top 5 skill set, but you’re gonna have to GRIND him off the field and MAKE him work. He’s not gonna do it on his own. -Mike Mayock

One of the things I noticed about this draft and this guy Green specifically, is the importance of character when drafting. You don’t want a guy with a lot of baggage and off the field issues. – Ron Jaworski

Low motor. When you talk about X’s and O’s, yea this isn’t your guy. But if you need a player to go out there and snag that deep ball sometimes and run pretty fast and give your team a spark with a funky dance in the endzone, draft this guy. – Mark Schlereth

He’s in my opinion, just like many others, still a developmental player. Not very coachable, surprising pick if you ask me. – Bill Polian

He can’t execute, from a cerebral aspect, an NFL offense. But man this guy can run. – Merrill Hoge

What happened to the guys who just run good routes and play the position, huh? You know, Wes Welker, Steve Largent, THOSE kinda guys. – Colin Cowherd

Other Tidbits:

NCAA Division 1 champion in the 100m dash jump relay…..majored in Sociology…..Was a member of his high school drumline, but then realized you can’t get paid to play the drums, really….Left college early due to pending case, no further comments given….Once met rap artist Lil’ Wayne, said it changed his life.

Why This Is Bull:

Throughout the entire NFL Draft process and institution, there are two main positions, in my opinion, that no matter how they are spoken about are hilariously racist: Black quarterbacks and wide receivers. Often times, it’s completely unintentional (that’s why it’s funny) to see guys like Jon Gruden marvel at the “blazing speed” and “leaping” ability of college athletes at these positions. Even if these guys are technically outstanding at their positions, two recent examples being RG III and AJ Green, their speed and ‘God-given ability’ (shout-out Boobie Miles) override those skills. Nevermind the great footwork or route running because BOY THOSE GUYS FLY AROUND THE FIELD!

Legal trouble, family problems, and pretty much everything possible that’s not football related can get classified into a player having “off-the-field issues” and becoming a liability. When it shouldn’t. If he’s a nice guy that plays football better than other people, go ahead and draft him and help him become a professional. Don’t worry what’s on his iPod or whether he can jump high enough to do a 360 windmill on the goal post after he scores. Draft me if you want exotic dunk maneuvers.

Worse Teammate: Ray Lewis or Rudy?

I could care less about the Super Bowl this year, and if I wasn’t an NFL fan; I would be glad to get away from this “Harbowl” but alas, I must watch.

Nonetheless if there is one good thing about this Super Bowl it’s the fact that Ray Lewis will be playing in his last game.  Nothing makes me smile more this week than knowing that I can officially count down until he is making awful pregame predictions on ESPN.  I can see it already though, Ray Lewis making “inspirational” speeches to tie it in to some awful media contrived story line.

“NOW LET ME TELL YOU TIM TEBOW.  NO ONE LIKES YOU RIGHT NOW.  HELL, I HATE YOU.  BUT GOD TOLD ME TO LIKE YOU SO RAY AND GOD BLESS YOU.  NOW TAKE THAT BALL AND….:proceeds to do pregame dance…finishes: PRAISE THE LORD”

As of right now, there is no more annoying person in the news than Ray Lewis.  Yes, he’s worse than Lance Armstrong, Manti Te’o, Lennay Kekua, John Boehner, Donald Trump, Alex Jones and Piers Morgan combined.  

I like to pride myself on my sports fanhood and I can’t for the life of me think of someone I would want to least have in my locker room than Ray Lewis.  While this makes me seem like a bitter contrarian, can you really give me one reason why he’s a good presence?  Tell me what a quickly aging and injured linebacker does for a team?  Has a pregame dance ever won a game for someone?  Have you ever been inspired by a guy who finds the nearest camera and starts yelling Bible verses like they are states Howard Dean needs to win?  

I must confess, I’m the bare minimum of a collegiate athlete in its broadest definition.  I run D2 cross country & track and I am more than aware of its popularity compared to, I don’t know, every sport not named polo.  Yet, being on a team makes you realize which personalities are just awful to be around.

Ray Lewis is one of them.  Ray Lewis is the senior on a team who has mailed it in except for when the coach is around or a potential interviewer.  One moment they will be talking about how they haven’t lifted in a week because CIROC CIROC CIROC and then the moment the team gets yelled at, they make a speech to tell YOU how you are ruining the integrity of a team.  Ray Lewis is also the guy who has every accomplishment in the book (Super Bowl ring, multiple All-Pro honors, likely first-ballot HOF’er, dropped charges) and you can’t say anything about them even though they are insufferable to be around.  

However, you then have to read countless puff pieces about them and how they “BRING GOOSEBUMPS” because of their very public “love of the game”.  You have to see them miss easy tackles but get a free pass because “man, you can tell it just really kills him to miss that!”.  Even when Ray Lewis gets owned by younger players, he’s still the better man.  He won’t let you forget that either.

But when thinking about people who would be awful to be around, Rudy has to be up there.  Yes, Rudy from Notre Dame and the same guy who had the movie after him that also made me tear up.  The story is nice and all, even if it was completely and utterly dismantled by Hollywood execs, but does anyone really want to be teammates with Rudy?

Anyone that played a sport also know that there is no one worse who plays with a permanent chip on their shoulder.  You know the guy who SLAYS the warm-up and sprints every drill because “well golly, I GOT HEART”.  You can’t crap on the guy in public either because then you just look like the overprivileged first-stringer who doesn’t UNDERSTAND what its like to be short, fat, and slow and play against the best athletes in the D1 football.  The story of Rudy is for people who don’t like sports or think that Notre Dame football is some higher power than any other corrupt, tasteless D1 program.  

I hope the 49ers win for the simple sake of seeing Ray Lewis not go out with a bang.  I want to see Frank Gore truck him at the 1 yardline for the go-ahead score.  I want Randy Moss to do his lame pre-game dance after burning Ed Reed for a TD.  I want Colin Kaepernick to purposely stay in-bounds to stiff-arm Ray Lewis and then praise God for allowing him to do that.

 

Please let it happen.